Thoughts for the day

Global Warming Sucks.

What’s UP with the people in the van in Texas who gave the little girl X, then put a video of her tripping on the internet?  It takes a special kind of stupid to do that!  But it is more and more common to find video of idiots doing idiotic things on the net, isn’t it?  Sad, sad, sad.  On the other hand it makes the job of law enforcement so much easier doesn’t it?  And it was ever so helpful of them to include the Christian radio call letters, too!  Kinda made me want to spit up on that one.   Criminy!?@#

Nancy Grace cracks me up every time!  She’s a spunky little broad, that one.

Pedophiles should get an automatic death sentence.  No parole, no second chance, no life sentence, no nothing.  They are unable to be rehabilitated by their own admission as well as statistically, not to mention by proof of all the previous sex offenders who are out there offending again.  We don’t have to go into all the names.  You know them.  Automatic death sentence.  Just add water and Poof!  Problem solved.

What is the matter with Robert Kennedy Jr.’s voice, anyway?  Dude always sounds like he’s about to cry or hack up a lung or something.  Ick.

Those dang ol Lowes stores have way too much cool stuff for your house.  I get all discombobulated in there.  I get way too many ideas in my head at one time.  My ADHD gets all hyped up and it kick starts my MS and that aggravates my ectopic cerebellar tonsils which leads me to suddenly go stupid.  I went in there with My Dearest Husband to get a hook to hang up a wooden thingie with our name on it, on the front of our house.  This is going to take the place of him pissing off the back porch.  *wink*  So, since we’re there, I take Bella and go look for some pretty Portulaca’s to hang on the front porch, you know, to accentuate the wooden name plate.  On our way to meet up with My Dearest Husband, we pass a really cool garden tub, which would fit perfectly in the bathroom.  But, hey!  Look!  There are the perfect shelves right over there that we need to put in Bella’s closet to kinda keep her overflow of stuffcrapjunkpaperscrapsbitspuffswhispswhatsitswhositsyouknowwhatsthingies in check.  And….right over there is a great deal on a counter top that someone special ordered and returned that would fit perfectly in the new kitchen!  Woo Hoo!  Whoa!  Lookit that!  It’s that great chalkboard paint that I wanted for the kids rooms!  How cool would it be for me to paint their walls so that they COULD write on em?  Eh?  I’d be the coolest, right?  Oh no it isn’t!  Yes it is!  It’s erasable marker paint!  Holy Crap!  AND Magnetic paint too!  OMG!  I’m gonna be the best mom in town!  Hmmm  I’m starting to feel kinda dizzy.  I hate checkerboard floors.  My heart is beating really really fast now.  How come everything seems to be moving in and out like a zoom lens is on my eyes?  Ok, time to go.  What?  Oh, no, I don’t want to buy anything.  I just wanna go home.  Suddenly I don’t feel so good.  Dang ol Lowes store. 

Iced Tiger Spiced Chai is the best drink in the world when it’s hot outside.

You should always marry your best friend.  However, if your best friend is the same sex as you and you are heterosexual, disregard this advice.  Also, if your best friend is of the opposite sex, and you are gay, disregard this advice.  Otherwise, take it.  And if I forgot any other exceptions, use yer noggin and figure them out.  I have brain damage, don’t let me do your thinking for you! 

I’m sleepy and I’m going to bed.

Oh!  And I’m sending His Highness the Buddha and Miss Bella back to day camp for the rest of the week.  It’s only three days but by golly I’ll take what I can get!  I’m giddy with anticipation!  Be happy for me! 

School is STILL Out

Yes, thaaaaat’s right.  School is STILL out.  DAMN SCHOOL!  These kids are driving me crazy!

Typical Day

Where are all the popcicles?????  

Yall ate 43 of them yesterday.  They’re gone. 

I didn’t eat them!  HE/SHE ate them!  (various amounts of violent discord ensues) 

 That is what they’re there for, you both ate them.  Now go play. 

Pig! 

Hog!  (more discord) 

 Cut that out and go play before I send you to your rooms.  (riiiiight!  then they will be locked up in here with ME!  Fat chance! )  

 Well when are we going to get some more popcicles?  We need some more popcicles.  It’s hot, we need popcicles! 

 tick tick tick   hours pass with the incessant questions of popcicles.  Finally I cave.  We go get popcicles. 

 Are they frozen yet?  No  Are they frozen yet?  No  Are they frozen yet?  NO  Are they frozen yet?  NONONO  Are they frozen yet? 

*sigh*  Yes, thank all the Gods in the Universe!  They are frozen!!!!!!!!!!!   Hello?  Where are you?  The popcicles are frozen!  Ya want one? 

(In unison with a nice four part harmony..)  No, I’m tired of popcicles.  Do we have any ice cream?   *SOB*

Does anyone know when school starts again?  Haven’t they been out for a really long time?  It starts again soon, right?  RIGHT??????????????

Home Ownership

Heady stuff, this!  Scary.  Makes my chest tighten up while at the same time makes me feel like a citizen again. 

The responsibilities aren’t a big problem because even when we rented we usually took care of all that ourselves.  Being grownups, it seemed sort of …… I’m searching for a word here …… childish to go running to someone else to fix every little thing that came along.  I realize that your landlord is responsible for doing all of those things, however, it just seemed silly to take the time and effort to call him from (possibly) more pressing things when we could just as easily fix it ourselves and get it done right and right now!  We knew it was right because WE did it.  Plus, you always get a little cred if you let them know that there was a small problem, but that you fixed it and they didn’t have to bother.   Having said this, always make sure that you DO fix it and fix it right.  Otherwise you leave yourselves open to all kinds of bad things happening down the road at the most inopportune times.

We have been incredibly lucky with the landlords we’ve had since we moved out of the house I used to own with my ex, Ol Pencil Dick, hereinafter to be referred to as OpeeDee.

Our landlords have all been business owners, who by their very nature squeeze a nickel so hard the buffalo poops  are very cost concious.  So we were always allowed to fix whatever we wanted to and just take the costs off of the rent.  That way, we didn’t have to wait for them to arrange for someone cheap and crappy of their choosing to come around when they sobered up could fit us into their schedule. 

From now on, though, WE will be the homeowners!  Hot doggies!  I’m stoked.  I’m in the zone.  I’m ready.  I’m already thinking of seceeding from the Union.  I think I shall start my own nation.  I’ll have four acres.  That’s a good amount.  Not big enough to draw attention, yet large enough for a garden and some chickens.  I can mint my own currency.  I’ll restrict my airspace.  We’ll be a dictatorship.  Benevolent, of course.  Now all I have to do is decide on what to call it.  Bite Me Land.  Kiss My Foot If You Don’t Like It -erica?  I’ll have to put some more thought into it.

Woman’s definition of homeownership:  I can paint the walls any color I want!

Man’s definition of homeownership:  I can piss off of the back porch if I want!

Hint: Don’t piss off of the back porch.   That’s just nasty.

Okay, time to go put on my game face.  It’s paper signing time.  My Dearest Husband says I’m not allowed to go in there smiling like a goon.  Not until after we’re done with all the John Hancocks.  THEN I can smile like a goon. 🙂  Which I will faithfully do…..for quite sometime.  Until the roof leaks, or the septic tank needs to be pumped, or the shower starts leaking into the wall behind everything, or  or  or  OMG  *gasp* ….anyone got a Valium I could borrow????