I have been busy this time so I have an excuse for being irresponsible.
At the risk of jinxing it, I seem to feel better. Physically, anyway. So I’ve been pushing myself lately. Not too much, just enough to feel it a little bit. Usually when I feel good I push myself way too far and end up FUBAR’d all over again. I’m trying to use a little common sense this time and push myself a little at a time.
I go outside even when it’s hot. Doesn’t seem like much, does it? But for me it’s huge. I don’t do heat well at all. It scrambles my brain and my body. It makes me feel like I’m suffocating. It turns my face bright red, and I get dizzy. My body feels weak and I can’t think right. I hear words but I don’t understand them. It takes about four repetitions before I can finally make them make sense. The inside of my head sounds like helicopter blades….whoomp whoomp whoomp. I know how to do things but the proper order escapes me, so I get bogged down in trying to figure out if I have it right or if I’m forgetting something. I can’t start anything because I have to keep going over it and over it to make sure I have it right. It’s never in the same order, no matter how many times I think it through, so I never know which one is right.
I do more things that require strength. I have a garden. I work in it. I dug holes and mixed dirt and planted some plants. The Buddha and Princess Bella planted alot of plants too. Like I said, I’m trying to push without over doing it. Whenever I do anything that requires muscle, I only have a limited amount of time and strength to do it. After that it’s all I can do to haul my tonnage back to a chair. I can do it again after I rest. No matter how much I work at them, my muscles will burn and give out after only a little bit. I’m trying to have more little bits now, so maybe I can build myself up some.
I take chances again. For instance, MDH and I went canoeing down the Dan River a couple of weeks ago. I was really scared that I wouldn’t be able to pull it off. But I’m tired of being left behind and never doing anything, so I went. It was awesome! Granted, the Dan River was way high, and way fast and mostly all we had to do was steer, but I went! And, even though my wrists still hurt even after two weeks, I did it. The satisfaction is well worth the price.
I drive…..far away…..every week. The Buddha’s new counselor is in Chapel Hill. That’s an hour drive from here. It kills me. Did you ever make mud pies? Remember how they would start to dry out, but you could pat them and they would get wet all over again? Well, riding in a vehicle is like patting my brain. It gets all mushy and starts to lose it’s form. It’s a damn scary thing, driving that far away. I’m never sure if I’m going to be making it home under my own steam or not. And it is exhausting. Every time. It takes me days to get over it, but I DO it.
I read more. This should be the easiest thing in the world, right? No stress, no strain. It’s not hot, it doesn’t require strength. However, it does require me to understand the words. If I’m doing ok, it’s easy. If I’m not doing ok, it’s hard work. I have to re-read the same sentence over and over to get it. I read every book at least four times the first time I read it.
MDH built a fire pit in our yard. I love that thing! I love a campfire. There was about a year or more after our house burned down when I would go quietly insane whenever I smelled smoke. I had a raging case of PTSD whenever I saw a flame. I woke up a bazillion times a night thinking we were on fire again and every time I did, the house looked smokey. But, I don’t do that much anymore.
Anyway, we cook on the fire pit every Friday night, weather permitting. It’s all very cave girl. Um, cave girl and pioneer I guess. We have the big ol Dutch oven. That little baby is a gem! I can start the fire, keep it going until I have enough coals to cook using the Dutch oven, and feed it coals until the food is done. Like I said, I love that fire pit. Can you tell? One of my favorite things about the fire pit is that I don’t heat up my house by cooking inside. By dinner time, the heat starts to build up in the house and the last thing I want to do is heat it up even more by cooking. (remember the heat intolerance thing? riiiight!)
We moved our picnic table from the back deck to the fire pit area. It’s the perfect place for all of us to gather up and play games or just sit and talk. It’s also nice to sit there in the cool of the morning and drink coffee and watch the day start. Especially since the outside dogs have taken over the porch swing and now I need to get new cushions for it before humans can use it again.
My hummingbirds are back this summer. I have two feeders that hang on the front porch. If they start getting low on food, the hummers will come and hover in front of the screen door, waiting for me to come fix it! They are fascinating to me. The males fight like cats and dogs. There are four hummers all together. Two males and two females. The males spend all of their time chasing each other away from the feeders. The females wait until they are zooming around the field, then they will swoop in and eat until one of the males comes back. Then they go sit in a tree until it starts again, which is usually about six seconds.
We have quite a few bluebirds. They love to sit on MDH’s motorcycle mirrors and fight with their reflection. It’s hilarious. But every once in a while it reminds me that the ancient dinosaur birds were pretty mean fellas. I forget what they are called……raptors? Is that it? Anyway, birds are definitely not serene by nature. Those pretty little bluebirds are aggressive with those reflections. And they are building up some new White Cliffs Of Dover on the handlebars, too! MDH is not amused.
I am now the proud new operator of a riding mower that doesn’t give me vertigo. I can mow until my heart’s content and still be able to walk upright back to the house when I’m done. I love the instant gratification of mowing the lawn. I also love the smell.
All in all, for summer, things are going pretty good. I’ve knocked wood and rubbed The Buddha’s belly for luck to keep from jinxing myself here. (you could have bought The Buddha for a nickel when I did that)
P.S. Artisan Bread In Five Minutes A Day – This book rules. The recipes are easy, they really work, and it feels really good to make your own bread by hand without having to knead yourself into oblivion. If you’ve never made homemade bread, you’ll be an old hand at it after the second time. It sorts itself out in your head pretty quick, and considering MY head, that means it’s easy to do. If nothing else, borrow it from the library and try it at least once. New experiences are good for you.