I Won………I Won………..I Won……….YEEEE HAWWWWW!!!!

June 19, 2008

Okay, so I was over at http://blahblahbex.wordpress.com/ visiting and bex had this contest.  It’s the Bloggers Pay It Forward Contest.  And I WON!!!!!!!  This is most cool because I have won something like maybe 3 times in my whole entire life! 

I was way diginified when I won too because I only danced on the furniture for seven minutes.  Then the dogs started crying, so I stopped. 

And to put the icing on the cake I got my prize…….YES I said prize!!!…….in the mail today!!!!  I should say prizes because I got all kinds of way cool stuff from Bex.  She sent me a yummy soy bar, some nummyfied looking red swedish fish that I can’t wait to try, an awesome liquid silver paint marker that looks great on DeeDee’s fingernails, two moleskin notebooks in different sizes that will come in WAY handy because I have to write EVERYTHING down so I won’t forget because I have brain damage,  and these ever so nifty wine glass ID tags, so that you won’t pick up the wrong glass in your drunken state.  These will come in more handy than ever you can imagine when we are drinking those mixed drinks that the neighbors come up with on the weekends.  PLUS, Bex sent the sweetest note with it, too.

Now, we get to have a contest here too!  YAY!!!!!  All I have to do is figure out what the contest is going to be about.  Oh boy!  Oh gosh!  Decisions decisions!

Anyway, I wanted to thank Bex for the way cool prizes and for picking me to be one of the winners of the contest!  Also I wanted to tell yall to drop by to visit her, cuz she is way cool and her site is awesome! 

So, be watching because I have sent out feelers to see what our Bloggers Pay It Forward Contest should be about.  Plus, I need some time to find some equally cool prizes to give out. 


A Peek Inside My Brain……..Caution Not For The Squeamish

June 19, 2008

As I was browsing through the usual mishmash of stuff that flows through my email the other day, you know, work at home, enlarge your penis….ahem!  my what?…., make $10,000.00 a day by buying my ebook, (yeah, right!), Martha’s latest project, (hey!  I like those!),  I got a message from Windows Live informing me that they had received my request to reset my password.  They what?  Now let me think a minute, because I don’t really remember requesting that they change my password.

But that doesn’t really mean that I DIDN’T do that.  Because I have a really bad habit of going off on tangents when I get on here late at night.  But after giving it due thought, I hadn’t been on here that late.  Not doing anything that might lead to a request of that type, anyway.  Hmmmmm.   Now why would I be getting an email like that then?

(insert wavy looking scenery here)  Let’s take a trip in the Wayback Machine.  Remember the time my ebay account got hacked?  That started with MDH’s email being hacked.  Now let’s take a trip in the Fastforward Machine.  Wheew!  Kinda disconcerting isn’t it?

Okay, so is someone trying to get me to click on the link in that email that is allegedly from “Windows Live”?

Now I’m all suspicious!  I ain’t clickin on no Stinkin Link!  However, I am going to change my password!  Just in case, you know?  Head those sneaky bastards off at the pass.  Beat them at their own game, right?

Hehehehe…….   I’m so damn smart!   I can’t wait for them to try to hack my email now!  The smartasses.  So I change my password.  It’s the first time I’ve actually done it in years.  It’s a strong password too.  I’m patting myself on the back.  It’s really late at night when I get done and I close up shop and go to bed.  (remember that tangent thing from earlier?)  I slept like a baby knowing that all was well in email land.

I got up the next morning and after sending Princess Bella off to camp, (that’s right, camp, I’ll tell you all about it later) I went to check my email, and what?????????   My password won’t work.  Let’s try it again.  It’s early and I haven’t had my coffee yet.  Hmm  my password won’t work….my password won’t workMYPASSWORDWONTFREAKINWORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    Calm down now.  Let’s not get all upset. 

Breathe…….inhale…..exhale……..relax………WTF is going on???????      Alright, it was late.  Maybe I typed it some strange way, or misspelled it or something.  I’ll just reset it.  Yeah, I’ll do that!   Whew!  Okay. 

Nope!  Can’t do that!  I’ve tried to type my password in incorrectly too many times and I must wait and try again later!!!!!!!!!!@#@$%@$$@%#$!#@$#$#%$#

Okay, I’ll just reset it by using the “location and security question” option.  But wait…….I have brain damage and I can’t remember the answer to the damn secret question.  *SOB* 

Dear Microsoft,


I am an idiot who should not be allowed to own, operate, or even be near a computer after 9:00 pm and yet because I am technically an adult, I am allowed to do all of these things.  As a result I have locked myself out of my hotmail account. (insert sick smile here)  Please help.

P.S. Please don’t tell MDH or Rocky.  Thanks. 

P.P.S.  I beg of you by all that is holy PLEASE don’t ever let the kids know!!!!!  They would NEVER let me live it down!!!!


Now for the really humiliating part……to prove that this is really my account, if anyone wants to help me out, you could leave a comment to Richard, who is the Microsoft guy who is going to look at my email, and tell him that this is my account.  Because I get an email everytime a comment is left.  Thanks in advance, just in case anyone does it.  You have my undying gratitude. 

I’m going to go cry myself to sleep now.

2nd Hand Alcohol

June 19, 2008

I’m about to gag myself to death with the latest California brainstorm wanting to ban smoking in apartments and condos. 

Before you EVEN start let me say that YES I smoke.  Yes I know it’s bad for me and you and everyone else in the universe.  I have no problem with not smoking in a restaurant.  I will gladly wait to light up after we all get done eating.  I have no problem not firing up on the airplane.  I get it, OK?  I understand that my choice to smoke is just that…MY choice.  I understand that I have no right to impose MY choice on YOU.  By that same token, you have no right to impose your choice NOT to smoke on ME. 

  I happen to have the opinion that the OWNER of an establishment should have the choice of whether said establishment is smoking or non-smoking.  And that we as consumers have the option of choosing whether or not to patronize that establishment based on that, or any other criteria we want to employ.  If the owner makes his establishment a smoking environment and we choose not to patronize it because of that and his profits then go down, he must either bow to the bottom line and change his mind or he must accept the loss in profits.  On the other hand if his profits do NOT go down, then the opponents of smokers must then suck it up and go off to find a cleaner environment to plot the reduction of rights the citizens of this country can call their own.

I find it cosmically frightening that the citizens of America are blithely watching their rights being whittled away without so much as a whine.  The fight against smokers is only one example, but it is a glaring one.  In the scheme of things I can think of a dozen more rediculously obvious dangers than second hand smoke.  But millions of dollars in cash as well as matching amounts in time and effort are spent making good, decent people feel like second class citizens. 

I, as a smoker, have never driven down the road on a nicotine high and killed innocent people in a head on collision as a direct result of over consumption of cigarettes.  I, as a smoker, have never smoked a six pack of cigarettes and beaten my children because I can’t handle my nicotine anymore.  I, as a smoker, have never given my child brain damage that will last a lifetime because nicotine makes me angry and vindictive and violent every time I light up a cigarette.  But you be sure to ban me from smoking in a BAR!!!!!!!!  We wouldn’t want all those bar patrons who will be out there “drinking responsibly” to suffer from second hand smoke, right?

What am I missing?  I see on the news with sickening frequency stories about multiple teenagers in alcohol related accidents.  Dead, maimed, brain damaged, crippled for life.   And let’s not forget the innocents.  Those folks whose only crime was being on the road at the same time as someone who was drinking and driving.  Not one suggestion of a ban on drinking in apartments and condos.  Not one mention of bans on alcohol anywhere.   Could it be that there are far more lawmakers that drink than smoke?

I have six….yes I said SIX cousins who are orphans because their parents and their oldest brother died from second hand alcohol.  They were killed by a drunk driver as they were returning home from Christmas shopping.  I guess we should be thankful that they didn’t die from second hand smoke, huh?

Never Turn Your Back On Them

June 13, 2008

Well, school is out!  (insert falsely bright, slightly maniacal grin here)  Now I have to make all of these annoying adjustments to my schedule.  For instance: during school my morning consists of getting The Buddha out of bed.  This takes thirty minutes.  Exactly thirty minutes.  No more, no less.  He takes five-five more minutes-es.  Then one five minute long “I AM UP.” After that he emerges from his room and begins his morning ritual that ends with “OMG we have to go or I’ll miss the bus!!!!!” followed by a mad dash for the door. 

Fifteen minutes into his getting ready time Princess Bella gets up.  Before her feet hit the floor she is arguing about what kind of cereal she wants.  She doesn’t necessarily argue with anyone in particular, it is mostly directed into the cosmos.  However if you are unfortunate enough to align yourself with her eyes, she will focus on you and you will then become the recipient of her morning venom.  Too bad for you today!

Bella’s morning routine consists of being displeased, argumentative, and surly about everything and anything that she can possibly conceive of regardless of whether it has any bearing on school, getting ready for school, on herself, her clothing, her city, state, country, hemisphere, or even her region of the Milky Way.  By the time her bus leaves she is usually screaming bloody murder that she absolutely MUST HAVE THAT AXE HANDLE FOR SCHOOL HER TEACHER SAID SO!!!! 

And so we begin another lovely before school day!  🙂

By the time they are both safely on the bus, exactly one and one half hours have gone by and it is time for my nap! 

Oh, but now school is out.  They will not be getting on a bus.  They will be performing all of the above and then………*sob*……… STAYING HERE ALL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scream.  I’m trying very hard to maintain an aura of calm.  I mean it’s only been two days, right?  It can’t be all that bad!  And The Buddha spent both days with friends.  I’ve only had Princess Bella since school let out. 

Yesterday I decided that it would be okay to just lay down and rest my eyes for a bit.  That’s what we call a nap down here in the south.  We rest our eyes.  So, I found Bella a good TV show, ( I know, TV isn’t a babysitter, it IS however a great diversionary technique, so yall just shush up!) and I lay down to “rest my eyes” for a few minutes.  After a bit I felt her giving me sweet little kisses.  Awwww!  That was so sweet.  Especially since just a little while earlier she had been screaming at a glass shattering decibel about how she had to put mascara on the puppies.

I relaxed into a nice soothing eye rest.  Oh yall!  It was so nice.  After about twenty minutes a knock came on the door.  This creates an earth shattering hell cracking chaos in my house that you would not believe.  DeeDee goes apeshit, which makes the puppies go apeshit, which makes Bella start hollering at them and at me, which makes me start yelling at them all to shut the hell up, which makes them all redouble their efforts because they sense my distress.  It’s annoying to say the least.

It was the mailman.  After getting all the cutthroat varmints out of the vicinity of the door, I opened it to see what he wanted.  He looked at me in a mighty odd way.  I figured my eye resting must have made my eyes puffy or something.  I smiled and his eyes got all round and he kinda stuttered and said I had a package too big for the box.  He handed me all my stuff, I thanked him, he backed up and still staring at me all wierd, he left.  I was thinking that I must look really bad, I went to look in the mirror.

WTF????  Princess Bella……Dear Dear Princess Satan’s Spawn Bella.  Those were NOT sweet little kisses.  Those were skull, froggie, princess, ect,ect, stickers all over my face!  Holy crap!  She had plastered my freakin face with stickers while I slept…….er…….I mean while I was resting my eyes! 

And here I am standing at the damn door with the mailman like it’s normal as apple pie to have stickers all over my face while I take the mail from him!  ROFLMAO.  And I’m wondering why HE is looking so funny at ME!!!!!!!!

So the moral of this story is…….summer is long. They are younger than you.  Never turn your back on them!

Government Looking At Ways To Deal With Unprecedented Gas Profits Being Made By Oil Companies

June 10, 2008

Riiiiiight.  Sniff……….Sniff…………Anyone smell something fishy here besides me?  If there is a legitimate reason for the outrageous price we’re paying for gasoline at the pump right now, why in the world are the oil companies making unprecedented profits??? 

I can save the government alot of trouble.  The last time this happened and we had a FAKE gasoline shortage, this was back in the seventies, and the oil companies made out like bandits by raping us all, the government got their cut by passing the “Windfall Profits Tax.” 

All they have to do is dust that old thing off and make a few minor adjustments and it will serve for this fake bunch of crap too.  Because the fact of the matter is, there is absolutely NO reason for the price of gasoline to be rising.  There is no less oil coming out of the ground now than there was five years ago.   The only person psychotic enough to cut off his nose to spite his face and stop producing oil in his country was pulled out of a hole in the ground and hung quite some time ago.

But just like the war in Iraq and Afghanistan (remember Afghanistan? We’re still fighting over there! Does anyone know WHY?), the oil companies are in the habit now and they just can’t seem to stop raising prices.  Plus, we as a nation are rolling over like beta dogs and pissing all over ourselves while the oil companies and our government growl and show us their teeth so they have no reason to do any different.

I find it very interesting that our government will take a cut of the unprecedented profits, but they won’t bother to wonder WHY there were unprecedented profits to begin with.  It’s hard for me to teach my kids to be honest in their lives, to teach them that playing fair is the best way to go, when the government of our country encourages large corporations to lie and cheat just to that they themselves can take a cut of the loot produced by that immoral activity.

Wait!  I just figured it out!  I bet they will use those “unprecedented profits” to fund “Homeland Security!”  Damn.  Now I feel all unpatriotic and shit.  My bad.


This Post Might Get Me Kicked Out Of The Girl Club

June 4, 2008

My Dearest Husband and I went to Lowes today.  If you’ve ever read my blog, you might know that going there can sometimes lead me to have a schizoid brain fart, overload seizure kinda thingie.  Luckily we weren’t in there long and that didn’t happen today.

What did happen was this:  I saw what could possibly be the coolest toolbox on earth.  I mean this baby had it all!  Let me start by saying that it plugged in.

That alone got me all revved up. Then we opened the top…..it had headlights. You heard me right. Lights in the top of it. But wait…what is that in the corners? Are they…they are! Speakers! For the Pioneer Stereo system that is built in. Whoa! That is just about more than my brain can process.

But it gets better. I know what you’re thinking……How could it possibly get better than this? Well, I’ll tell you. After we got done drooling over all of that, we were looking through the drawers and what should we see at the bottom of this glorious piece of stainless and blue heaven? A freakin refrigerator! I shit you not. A damn refrigerator in a toolbox!

This thing had more built in stuff than my first house. We looked at each other, looked back at the toolbox, then looked at each other again. It was just too amazing for words. And just as an added extra benefit, there on the side are these inset hooks that lean out when you push the bottom in. They are for hanging your coat, shirt, whatever on.

It brought tears to my eyes. All you needed was to curl up on the top shelf and you could live in it. I have to give it to Kobalt. They put together the ultimate toolbox this time. The only thing it didn’t have was a toilet, and seriously, who wants that in your toolbox anyway?

Now, for the really amazing part. If you know anything at all about toolboxes, you know that they are priced like they are all made out of diamonds and platinum with gold encrusted jewel encased naked women inside every one. Toolbox makers are PROUD of their stuff, and they price their toolboxes accordingly. So we were ready to start crying when we looked at the sticker. We almost did too, but not because it cost so much.

It was $1600.00. That’s right, rub your eyes and look again. And I didn’t even tell you everything it had, I only told you the BEST things it had! I think Hell finally froze over and this is what came of it.

So, I told MDH that it’s the thought that counts and that I was thinking just as hard as I could that if I had $1600 bucks, I would surely get him that toolbox. And he said thanks, because that was the best gift he never got. I said he was welcome and we happily left Lowes while my head was still functioning properly. Or as properly as it gets, anyway.

If you get a chance, you should go look at it. Even if you don’t like toolboxes, it’s a sight to see.

%d bloggers like this: