I Am A Liar

September 14, 2015

I am a liar. I am a total, complete, unrepentant, unadulterated, compulsive liar.  I have honed my skill to professional levels.  You would not be able to tell I’m lying.  I am JUST that good!  I know you think I’m boasting but I’m not.  I’m simply stating facts.  I’ve had to get this good.  It’s a matter of being able to walk through this world with my head up.  Sounds stupid doesn’t it?  Let me explain.

“How are you doing?” isn’t really a question.  It’s a social nicety.  It’s a segue to other social niceties that lead to quick getaways by people who can all then feel like they have had an acceptable social interaction without having to risk any real personal involvement.  On the other hand, for someone with a chronic illness/chronic pain it’s a minefield question.  Some people actually ask that as a real question.  When you give them the lie answer they feel betrayed when the truth comes out.  Others ask it as a  social question.  If you give these people the real answer they act like you just defecated in their dinner.  For a person who’s concentration is 80 percent involved in not screaming, trying to determine which of these people is which is very difficult. No matter which course you choose you are going to have to see a look in someone’s eyes that makes you miserable.

Luckily the chances of running into someone who really wants to know how you are feeling are almost nil so your best bet is to go with the “I’m fine.” lie.  This is the lie everyone is expecting to hear as well as the one most likely to be given out in response to the same query by you.  You don’t run near as much risk of watching someone imagine stomping a large ice pick through their partner’s ear for asking the question if you just go with this response.

“Are you ok?” I just say yes.  If I’m sending gouts of arterial blood shooting skyward hundreds of feet I’ll still say yes.  It’s my go to response.  Most of the time everyone is happy to just let it go.  I whine far too much as it is.  I want to slap myself silly sometimes just to shut me up even when I’m only thinking it.   So if I fall down or twist my ankle or drop something on my foot or stumble or hit my head or run into the doorframe or knock over the lamp or any of the hundred and seven other things I do in a day and I get asked if I’m ok I say yes.  It’s always a lie.

If you just say yes, I’m ok,  then you don’t run the risk of watching the look of social concern turn to “oh crap not again” when you start to say what’s wrong.

Here are a few more examples of my lies:

I’ve been praying for you! Do you feel better?          Me: YES!

Did you try that oil I told you about to cure your incurable condition?          Me: YES!

Did you eat that exotic food I heard about that will cure your incurable condition?         Me: YES!

Did you do that strange exercise I read about that is impossible for the most physically fit Olympic athlete to perform but you should do it because I’m sure it will cure your incurable condition?         Me: YES!

Did you find that obscure treatment I sorta remember from that book or magazine I read that one time somewhere that told about that medicine that could probably cure your incurable condition?          Me: YES!

So when people ask me how I am I lie.  I tell them I’m fine.  I say I’m OK.  I tell them I’m doing pretty good.  That way I won’t be ashamed anymore.  I won’t have to see those looks in their eyes anymore.  I won’t have to see the regret for asking the question anymore.  I won’t have to feel the humiliation of realizing that they didn’t really mean they wanted an answer for the question.  Or the disappointment that they went to all the trouble to find the one herbal remedy that would cure me and that I’m clearly too ungrateful to try it, just too much of a whiner to want to get better.


My Life With Chiari

June 13, 2012

I wrote this for a lady on a Chiari website. And since I’m whining today I decided to post it here too.

 

Looking at my life since Chiari is like looking through the wrong end of a telescope. My life went from active and open with every possibility to minimal in the extreme.  Over the roughly ten years since I was diagnosed with Chiari, I have gradually whittled away pieces of myself, my activities, my dreams, my relationships, and my possibilities.  I am left with the knowledge that I am less.  Less than I could have been, less than I want to be, and less than others expect me to be.  It is a constant humiliation. It is a constant pain in so many ways that it’s hard to imagine putting them all on paper.

 

I live in an almost constant state of dread…..I dread the beginning of each day because I know that before the day ends I am going to wish I lived a hundred years ago when people died early.  I dread laughing because if I do, people are going to expect me to do things that I either can’t do, or that I know if I do them I will pay for them later.  I dread the disappointment in the faces of the people I love when I say I can’t. I dread housework. I dread parent teacher conferences because I am usually so distracted that I can’t ask questions, I can’t think right, I can’t make promises. I dread getting a great idea because I know that it will come to nothing, because if I don’t forget it all together, I won’t be able to follow through and that is one more disappointment to add to the millions of others I’m stacking up.  I dread, and when I say dread I mean DREAD going to the doctor.  I have apparently been branded as …..I’m not even sure what. Every time I walk into a doctor’s office, they take one look at my file, smirk, and shake their head.  I am apparently an idiot because I walk in with hope every time and I walk out wishing a really big heavy truck would just hit me and take me out of this. I dread coughing(headache), using the toilet(headache), changes in weather(headache), heat(dopiness), happiness(creates expectations I can’t meet), sadness(thoughts of suicide), hope(leads directly to devastation), open spaces(nothing to hold on to), battery operated toothbrushes that my dentist HIGHLY recommends(makes me fall down if the casing touches my teeth), driving or riding in a car(obliterates my consciousness), other people’s hopes(disappointment), dreams and desires(disappointment), other people’s disappointment(wish I was dead), waking up(what new symptom, disappointment, limit), going to sleep(what will happen in the night to my brain), Wal Mart or any other store(makes me sweat and lose my mind), cooking(can’t remember the order of things to do), gardening(poor plants), mowing the lawn(vibration of the mower screws my brain to pieces), school programs that take place after 4:00 pm(too tired, too brain fried to go). This list is longer than there is time to read it.

 

I live in fear of the fallout from my symptoms. I fear open spaces because I fall(broken ankle complete with a metal plate and nine screws from stepping off of a 6 inch porch). I fear going out in public(because I have bladder and bowel incontinence). I fear that my husband and kids will get sick to death of all the things I can’t do and gradually disappear just like the rest of my life has. 

 

I used to have a life.  My husband and I used to go all over the place doing all kinds of things. We used to go to Bike Week at Daytona Beach in Florida every year. We used to go camping. We still go camping but it’s a huge production getting all my ridiculous accessories ready to go with me. And every time we screw up the desire to do anything it’s always with the knowledge that at any moment from start to finish I might have to just come home.  I used to have a job and be a contributing member of my family and society. Now I can’t remember anything.  I have lost large blocks of my life. I’m not even really sure anymore who I am, much less who I used to be because I have lost so much of myself.

 

I used to have friends. But little by little people drift away to find people who can DO things with them.  I’m ashamed to invite people to my house because I can’t keep up with housework.  I can’t bend over to pick things up, I can’t lift my hands over my head to sweep down the cobwebs, I can’t stand very long so the dishes are constantly piled sky high, I can’t even wash my hair regularly because I can’t close my eyes without falling over and I can’t hold my arms up very long to wash it, and, and, and, and. I get FUBAR’d when I ride or drive. 

 

The last time I actually tested my IQ(which was in the early nineties), it was 147. Not bad, right? Well…..it’s not good. Because I’m stupid most of the time. I used to be witty, and funny and smart. But now I get a joke the next day if at all. Partly this is because I can’t tell what people are saying.  My neurologist had my hearing checked once because of that, even though I told him that I could repeat back to him every word he said verbatim, I just didn’t know what those words meant at the moment.  That 147 doesn’t work in my favor at all.  Everyone just thinks I’m lazy, I’m lying, I’m conniving.  I went to a neuropsychologist twice. The first time she told me that the only person who had scored higher on her testing was a Neurosurgeon.  The second time I went I scored higher than him. Then she told me that there was NOTHING wrong with my brain.  After that she leaned in close and whispered…..Are you trying to get on disability?  I was so humiliated, so ashamed of myself for even being there, for wanting to find out what was wrong.  And now, even though it would help immensely, I’m too ashamed to file for disability. And every day I wait, the money I would get for it dwindles down.

 

One of my pupils is smaller than the other. Sometimes I get this thing, it’s hard to describe but I’ll try. I feel like I’m being choked only not choked of air. I can breathe just fine but when you hold your breath for a long time your face gets red and your eyes bug out and it’s like that. Just this pressure in my head like it’s trying to explode. Then I hear a buzzing sound that seems to match a heartbeat and I hear what sounds like the whoomp whoomp whoomp of a helicopter. While the buzzing and the whoomp are going on I see blue flashes of light. Neon blue. It’s really pretty. After that the pressure goes away. But while I have the pressure, the size of my pupils is REALLY different. That one scares me. I told my Neurologist about it and he set me up an appointment to have my CSF flow checked….a week later. I guess I’m stupid for wanting to have it checked while it’s happening. I’m really not sure anymore what I should expect, what’s stupid, what makes sense. Nothing in my life really makes sense anymore.

 

I hurt. Physically I am in pain almost constantly. Emotionally I AM in pain constantly. Mentally I’m too stupid to be in pain constantly and so I continue to hope. I hurt in my neck, my back, my arms and legs to a lesser extent. I would give anything on this earth to just get a massage, a neck rub. But my family are terrified to touch my neck. I feel like a leper sometimes.  Years ago I would still ask for someone to just rub my shoulders for a minute. Now I never even consider asking anyone to touch me.  My skin starves for some basic human contact. Instead I just get someone to put my TENS unit on and then I cry for a while.  Cripes I sound so damn pathetic!

So there you have it. Look fast because pretty soon you won’t be able to see me anymore.


Marriage Amendment in North Carolina

May 10, 2012

Outhouses – 61%

Functioning Brain Cells – 39%

Welcome to the modern world.

 

On the positive side, I would like to thank Joe Biden. The man has cojones the size of a dump truck.  You Da Man, Joe! 

Also, a day late, thanks go out to President Obama for finally voicing your support.  Discrimination is an ugly thing regardless of who is being discriminated against. 

My fervent hope is that my descendants will eventually grow up in the same America I grew up in, where people are free to be who they are without fearing government interference. At the moment, we are not in that same country.  It makes me sad.

For those women in North Carolina who are living with someone and you have children together I have a piece of advice.  Your children will now not be recognized as their father’s children unless you go have the father legally recognize them. Talk to a pro bono lawyer and see what you need to do to have this done.  For your children’s sake, look into it and do it fast.  Because if their father happens to pass away before this is done, they have no legal standing as far as benefits go. 

And last, but not least, shame on you North Carolina for being backward, foolish, thoughtless, and cruel.  May you reap what you have sown.  But don’t come crying when the tables turn and YOU are the one being made to feel less than human because of your own harmless personal choices. You have bought and paid for whatever you get because of your vote.  You 61% are a shameful abomination. I dismiss you from my consideration.


Random Stuff 5/7/2012

May 7, 2012

Happy Birthday to Buddha!  He’s seventeen today and they have been seventeen awesome years!  I hope they get exponentially better every year.

 

Well in roughly thirty six hours we will all know whether or not I live in a state where out houses out-number functioning brain cells per capita. The vote on the “Marriage Amendment” happens tomorrow in North Carolina. This is also being referred to as the gay marriage ban amendment.  I find myself repulsively fascinated by the very fact that with all the economic problems we have in this state, not to mention this country and around the world, the biggest ticket to the voting booth is an amendment of the state constitution that is blatantly discriminatory and ultimately pointless. 

We preach tolerance and acceptance to our children, assuming we are decent human beings, on a daily basis.  We have laws against discrimination in the workplace.  We have laws against hate crimes based on a person’s sexual preference, race, or religion.  And yet this state feels compelled to put to a vote whether or not we should amend the state constitution to say marriage is one man one woman.  North Carolina wants to make discrimination a basic part of their state constitution! What the hell?

Marriage, unfortunately, is usually one man, one woman, a woman on the side, a man on the side, a few one night stands and then divorce.  Followed closely by another man, another woman, a few more people on the side…..etc, etc. ad nauseum.

Seriously, how’s that working out for ya?

What marriage should be is two people  (and I’m not a real stickler on the numbers) loving and supporting each other and their family. Who in their right mind gives a rat’s ass what sex these people are?  Love and support is hard enough to find in this world. Why limit the places and ways people can find it? 

I will be voting against this ignorant pile of bullshit tomorrow.  We’ll see how it goes.  In the meantime, I would like to send a message to whatever ignorant, backward, family tree doesn’t branch, boneheaded fool who thought this idea up and all the can’t think for themselves, easily led, go whichever way the wind blows ass hats who supported getting it on the ballot.  Congratulations for being my current shit for brains award winners.  Way to piss on the progress this country has made moving into the twenty first century.

 


Little Of This, Little Of That

January 8, 2012

We have some bunnies.  They are adorable as only bunnies can be.  MDH got me two bunnies when his friend let him know that he had some bunnies he needed to find a home for.  Apparently, as he always does, he remembered when we were in the Farmer’s Supply store and I spent a good thirty minutes conversing with a bunny in a metal tub.  I love talking to animals.  They are in no way judgemental and they always laugh at my jokes. 

So we have these two babies.  They are furry and funny and curious and brave.  We name one Isabella and the other Nitro, which got changed to Snuggie, which got changed to Noogie(I have no idea where this came from, but I was the one who started it).  Now Isabella’s name is Izzy.  This is because we realized Izzy was male when he found his “special purpose in life” and started humping Noogie til he fell over sideways in a swoon. 

We finally had to move them to different quarters because Noogie emphasized her “not tonight, headache” with an attack that left Izzy sans hair on his nose.  MDH, darling that he is, constructed them a three-story condo, complete with balcony and burrow.  We actually moved lawnchairs into a semi-circle around them and sat outside drinking coffee and watching the bunnies for amusement.  (We have such a random life sometimes)

Just in case, we kept track of how long it had been since they were together and finally came to the conclusion that Noogie was not preggers.  Whew!  Dodged that bullet.  Well, not so much.

Rocky and I returned from town one day to discover four tiny little bare assed baby bunnies in the cage.  What??  Yep!  Four of em.  Crazy Legs told us he walked in the house and found Mini (one of our rat terriers) laying on the floor, eyes open, not moving.  And DeeDee on the couch with her paws up on the back of the couch, staring at the wall.  He couldn’t figure out what was going on.  The he checked the rabbit cage and there were the babies.  At that point, the dogs came out of lala land and started freaking out. 

OMG…..baby bunnies are the cutest things EVER!  The fit in the palm of your hand, will try to hop out even though they can’t see, and they feed upside down!  I’m serious.  They get close to their mom’s tummy then they flip upside down onto their backs and start to feed.  Weird! 

We gave one away and sold the other three.  Ten bucks apiece!  w00t!  I was thinking about getting Izzy fixed but now I’m not so sure.  I wouldn’t mind feeling like a contributing member of this family again.  We’ll see how it goes.

Next……Intentions vs Results

I have a very good friend who had a brain tumor.  She was treated for it, did a bunch of rehab, got way better(even lost weight!!!), and it was all way awesome!  She was telling me the doctors told her she had a 50/50 chance of it coming back at some point in the future.  I told her that was great!!!  She said…Huh?  WTF is so great about that????

My intention was to say that a 50/50 chance is all we ever get.  Any of us.  We could wake up dead tomorrow, we could choke to death on a chicken sammich, we could be walking down our steps and get tripped by a tear in the space/time continuum(don’t laugh, shit like that happens to me all the time!),  a piece of space debris could fall out of the sky and embed itself into our brain.  ANYTHING could happen.  Every time you wake up in the morning you have a 50/50 chance of going to bed that night without a tag on your toe.  THAT was my intention.

Result?  I pissed her off and now she knows without a doubt that I’m an idiot.  *sigh*  I’m really getting tired of people finally figuring that out.  I had hoped to keep it a secret for a while longer. 

Intention: Wake up in the morning and decide what housework I need to do, then do it.

Result: I get so bogged down in all the things that need doing that I ‘m not able to do, that I can’t think straight.  I can’t sort things out in order of execution, I can’t bend over, I can’t put my arms over my head for any length of time, I can’t get too hot, I can’t be in an open area without something to hold onto in case I get vertigo, I can’t go down steps very good (hence the badly sprained right ankle and broken left leg that started on the first day of summer and ended on the last day, literally, which was caused by a step down off of a six-inch high porch), I can’t turn my head too fast or I will fall down, ……I could go on forever but I will stop here. 

Intention: Find out how the kids’ day went at school. 

Me: How was your day?

Result: *sigh*

Buddha: FiiiinnnneeeUH!  (whereupon he disappears into his room never to be seen again unless a) food is ready to eat, or b) I wake him up the next day to go to school.

Princess Bella:  Why, what did you hear?

Me: Uh….nuttin.  I was just asking.

PB: Well it was fine! (face getting red, eyes slightly bulging)

Me: Good!

PB: I don’t know why you always have to ask me that!  Nothing happened!  Everything was fine! Not one bad thing happenedalllday! (face very red, eyes bugged out like something off of Outer Limits)  Whereupon she disappears into her room, which lasts all of five seconds because Bella runs at warp speed.  She can only bounce off the walls of her room for a few seconds, then she has to have a larger area to bounce off of. 

Me: (alone in the room, slightly disoriented) Well, that went well.

Next…….

I’ve been browsing around the blogosphere and I ran up on something truly amazing!  simplynutmeg.com is the coolest. blog . ever.  Nutmeg has the voice I heard in my head when I first imagined this blog.  THAT was what this was supposed to sound like.  Unfortunately, my blog comes out sounding just like me.  I wanted to sound all witty and funny and cool.  I guess this could be considered a P.S. to the Intention vs Result section of our day. 

Go check her out.  She rules.  http://simplynutmeg.com/  And while you’re there, you HAVE to check out the “how I survive barney” section.  The woman has taste!  You will find yourself, ninety minutes later, holding your sides laughing and wondering where the time went!

Ok, seriously, I have to get something done.  I have been sitting here for hours and it’s time I earned my keep.  I could go make that bread in those new pans that I bought myself for Christmas.  They have cute little shapes.  But I’m not sure if the bread in a tube will work for that.  Maybe I should try to come up with something more productive to do with the bread?  Or I could do laundry. But I can’t bend over to take it out of the dryer, so I can only do one load until someone comes over and I have to beg them to get them out for me.  I could clean out the closet, but that requires arms over head, bending over….no, I guess not that one.  I could vacuum the floor!  Yeah!  Yay I found something I can do!! 

Crimanently, it’s sad when sucking dirt off your floor is the most productive thing you can think of to do in a day. 

Welcome to Life in the slow lane.

 


Random Thoughts – January 2, 2012

January 2, 2012

Happy New Year!  Hope your holidays have been happy.

We had a great December. It was busy as all get out but fun just the same.  We went to a family dinner at a local steakhouse.  It was fantastic!  The kids had a blast, the adults got to catch up, and our cousin came home from far away and it was wonderful to have her home.  She is basically the driving force behind all significant family gatherings.  If not for her we would spend half our time together saying how we really need to spend more time together.  We also went to our youngest daughter’s house for a Christmas celebration.  She, her husband, and our youngest grandchild hosted our little celebration. It was the first time she had Christmas in her own home and it was really great.  The baby had a ball and entertained us all with his cute antics and his darling little sweet face. 

The only problem with the trip to our daughter’s house was the fact that it’s about two hours away.  That means that I was in a vehicle riding for about four hours that day.  For those of you who don’t know what that means…it means that for four hours that day my cerebellum was being jiggled farther and farther down into my spinal column.  It bites.  I am just now starting to feel better after massive quantities of ibuprofen and many days on my back.  But it was worth it.

We have had Christmas programs to go to for both The Buddha and Princess Bella.  They were both awesome!  Bella’s was first and it was a band concert.  Isn’t it funny how you can pick out your own child out of all the rest?  I love that.  And Bella did an excellent job!  I always feel like crying when I go to these things.  I’m just so proud. 

Buddha’s was a dance recital.  He rules.  The dancers were all wonderful.  Even more amazing was that they choreographed the dances themselves.  As I sat and watched them I was struck by how much creativity was there on that stage.  Buddha was in two dances: one in a large group and one with just three of them.  He is also the only male in the dance classes.  When he started doing his own dance in the one with three people, everyone in the audience started calling out his name.  He got a standing ovation at the end and everyone had a natural fit over him.  It made me so proud! 

We had a great Christmas Day.  It was just the six of us and it was nice and quiet.  The kids both got what they asked for (which was very little).  They both asked for just one main thing and said that if they got that they would be happy if they got anything else at all.  They were true to their word and were both happy and satisfied.  The really nice thing is that we won’t be trying to pay for it all well into this year. 

We go pick up Buddha’s car this week from his other grandparents’ house.  Bless their very souls, they are paying his insurance!!!  Which, if you have young drivers around the house, you know is incredibly expensive!  If it had been up to us he would have been 21 years old and just getting his licence because there is NO WAY we could have afforded it!  They passed a new law last night (thaaaat’s right, last night) that requires him to have a driving log that has at least 60 hours of driving time on it, done over a 6 week period, before he can get the first level of his driver’s licence.  He is totally cheesed off.  I am very happy about it.  I think  know it will be a wonderful thing for him and everyone else on the road! 

So….there’s the update.  Now for the second half of our program…..

To the Republican Party – You would not be having  near as much trouble finding a standout candidate if you would stop trying to put a candidate in the white house who would keep the status quo.  The country hasn’t forgotten that a Republican administration, defined by greed at any cost, is largely responsible for getting our country and our economy in the sad and sorry state it’s in today.  You should instead be telling us how you are going to do things differently.  Not differently from the current administration(whose hands you have tied at every turn in one of the most appalling attempts at mis-direction I have personally ever seen), but differently from what you yourselves have done in the past.  You would stand a much better chance of achieving your goals if you would do that. 

To Michelle Bachman – Chilling.  I saw you on the CBS news show this morning and you strike me as one of the most incredibly dangerous people in the world today.  You made the hair on the back of my neck twitch when you so blithely decided that traipsing out some massive weaponry and putting embargos in place strategically around Israel is a good response to Iran having nuclear capabilities!  WTF????  What, exactly, gives the U.S., in your mind, the right to “punish” another nation for having exactly the same weaponry capabilities as we do?  Did it ever cross your mind that pissing in the Wheaties of another country is not necessarily the best option for foreign relations? 

And while I’m on the subject let me just say that our country has a serious, and I mean SERIOUS, problem understanding that WE are not the only people in the world with a viewpoint, or rights, or the right to weaponry.  We believe that our country and our ways are the only ones that are right, but we do NOT extend the same right to opinion and therefore action, to anyone else.  Only we and our friends are allowed to be free to make up our own minds about what we want to do and believe.  The unmitigated gall of that crap is the very reason why a large majority of the countries of the world smile at our face, then  flip us off the minute our back is turned!!  This ridiculous policy, that it’s no fair hitting back , is bullshit.  Get the hell over it before we end up with bombing in OUR streets!!

P.S. Michelle….stop beating a dead horse and transfer your support to someone who might have an ice cube’s chance in hell of winning.  Just sayin.

I absolutely love the commercial where the kid is telling how his mom is addicted to denial.  I just can’t say how much I think the commercial is spot on.  As a parent, I have often dabbled in denial.  You can’t ….deny….(lololol) that it’s way easier than confronting a problem you don’t feel equipped to deal with effectively.  Unfortunately, the fallout from denial is way worse than the confrontation could have ever been. 

Okay, I’m tapped out now and my brain is completely empty.  Ahhhh that feels better! 

 

 


All Of My Animal Friends Have Voices

December 30, 2011

My inside dogs, my outside dogs have voices of their own.  They talk to me and I talk to them.  I can’t imagine how lonely I would be during the day if my friends didn’t talk to me.

Shall I tell you about them?  Okay, I will.  In order of appearance:

Sugar Plum: She was dropped off here with her brother when they were puppies.  I wasn’t here yet.  She was probably between 9 months and one year old when I moved here.  Her brother had been shot by a neighbor for trying to eat their dog’s food.  Sugar got away.  But she was starving and no one wanted her…..until we came.  We consider her our good luck charm.  When we decided to buy the house, we came one day to just hang out and get used to the place.  Sugar Plum was very friendly and playful.  She was also very hungry, skinny,  and scrawny. ( She was sooo hungry in fact, that she ate my cell phone!  Ever after she would occasionally roll around on the ground and make really strange noises.  We decided that she was answering the phone when she did that. )  But I digress.  When we came to hang out that day, she was under the plum tree eating plums.  Hence the name Sugar Plum.  She speaks in a gentle, witty, sweet, wise, strong, fun loving voice.  Underneath it all is a will of iron.  She can climb a chain link fence.  She teaches all the babies how to survive.  She will defend herself and her friends against anyone and anything. She plays with the babies when they are little.  Her favorite treat is bird seed.  I love her with all my heart.

Jeremiah: Jeremiah (Jerry) came to us because The Buddha made a lil slip up.  The neighbors were going on vacation and he was given the job of feeding their dogs for them.  He was supposed to keep Fat Girl locked on the porch and keep Boy fed and watered too.  What wasn’t explained to him in detail was that Fat Girl was in heat.  And Boy, being a boy, was desperate to get to her on that porch.  Well, the vacation was over and all was well until we were informed that Fat Girl was pregnant!  Questions were asked, answers given and the mystery solved.  Seems that The Buddha felt sorry for Fatty and Boy because they were really lonesome for each other so he let Boy onto the porch to give Fat Girl some company one day!  We felt duty bound to take one of the babies.  As we walked into the yard to pick one out, this tiny fat lil rolly polly fella came running right out to us and checked us out.  On the spot My Dearest Husband chose him.  And that is how we got Jeremiah.  He was tough, sweet, very protective, and he snored.  He also taught my baby Dash how to act like a big dog.  He would find a bone, give it to Dash(who was all of six weeks old), and then come take it from him.  Dash would just sit there.  He would bring it back and give it to him again.  Then take it very slowly, gently growling while he did.  Dash would then growl his tiny baby growl.  Jerry would lick him and give him back the bone, then start all over again until he taught Dash how to defend his food or rag or stick or pebble or whatever Dashie had picked up to play with.  Jerry spoke in a strong, loud, protective, country voice.  He went missing and I miss him still.

TT: TT stands for Tiny Tot, which she most definitely isn’t!  She is Sugar Plum and Jeremiah’s baby girl.  We didn’t intend to keep her.  We went to Wal Mart parking lot to give the babies away and a girl said, “PLEASE PLEASE hold her for me while I go inside and do my shopping. I will pick her up when I come out!”  So we held onto her through three or four people who wanted her.  The girl never came back.  But when we got home, Sugar Plum was beside herself with joy that one of her babies had come home to her so we kept her.  She spent her first year being very quiet, unassuming, and watchful.  Since then she has become friendly, funny, outgoing, and smart.  She plays like she’s making up for lost time. She speaks in an exuberant voice that is strong, quiet, and vigilant. 

DeeDee: DeeDee was the only dog we ever bought.  Right after The Buddha and Princess Bella came to join our family, MDH decided that the kids needed a dog.  We decided on Rat Terriers because they are very tiny and also incredibly smart.  A lady who was selling babies was located and we went to pick one out.  We fell in love with her immediately.  Rat Terriers come in two shapes, with tall legs and with short legs.  DeeDee has tall legs.  We also fell in love with her brother, who had short legs and looked like a miniature tough guy.  He was going to someone else though, so we made our deposit on Dee and left to wait til she was old enough to leave her momma.  When we got there, the lil boy dog was still there too.  The breeder said that his girl never came and we could get him too if we wanted to.  WE DID!  So we bought both dogs and took them home to the kids as a surprise.  They were so tiny that we had both of them in a cat carrier and the kids had to peer all the way to the back to find them.  Theo died in the house fire, but DeeDee survived.  She speaks in a quiet, dominant voice that is occasionally girlish and silly.

Mini: AKA Minimum, Miniature, Mini Mouse.  She is Dee’s baby and she was incredibly tiny right from the start.  She was half the size of her siblings at two weeks.  She stayed the same size for months.  One or more of her siblings bit her head when she was little, and bit her tail and broke it twice.  I had to take her out of the pen and keep her away from the other pups.  I was going to give her away too but I could never get in touch with the guy I was going to give her to.  I would call his shop (at 2:00 AM) and he never answered.  I would drive by there with her in a carrier (at 6:00 pm on Sunday) and he wasn’t there.  Eventually I just had to keep her!  :-)  She is built like her mother, with long legs and slender body.  She is all speed.  She can lap every dog here running around in the field.  She can jump higher, run faster and go longer than every dog we have.  She is also mildly retarded, from the bites to her head when she was little I guess.  She speaks in a squeaky voice at hyper speed, often and long.  However, she speaks a foreign language and most of the time we can’t understand her at all.  But she’s funny and fun and amazing to watch.

They all talk to me all the time.  I wouldn’t change that for the world.

 

 


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