Little Of This, Little Of That

January 8, 2012

We have some bunnies.  They are adorable as only bunnies can be.  MDH got me two bunnies when his friend let him know that he had some bunnies he needed to find a home for.  Apparently, as he always does, he remembered when we were in the Farmer’s Supply store and I spent a good thirty minutes conversing with a bunny in a metal tub.  I love talking to animals.  They are in no way judgemental and they always laugh at my jokes. 

So we have these two babies.  They are furry and funny and curious and brave.  We name one Isabella and the other Nitro, which got changed to Snuggie, which got changed to Noogie(I have no idea where this came from, but I was the one who started it).  Now Isabella’s name is Izzy.  This is because we realized Izzy was male when he found his “special purpose in life” and started humping Noogie til he fell over sideways in a swoon. 

We finally had to move them to different quarters because Noogie emphasized her “not tonight, headache” with an attack that left Izzy sans hair on his nose.  MDH, darling that he is, constructed them a three-story condo, complete with balcony and burrow.  We actually moved lawnchairs into a semi-circle around them and sat outside drinking coffee and watching the bunnies for amusement.  (We have such a random life sometimes)

Just in case, we kept track of how long it had been since they were together and finally came to the conclusion that Noogie was not preggers.  Whew!  Dodged that bullet.  Well, not so much.

Rocky and I returned from town one day to discover four tiny little bare assed baby bunnies in the cage.  What??  Yep!  Four of em.  Crazy Legs told us he walked in the house and found Mini (one of our rat terriers) laying on the floor, eyes open, not moving.  And DeeDee on the couch with her paws up on the back of the couch, staring at the wall.  He couldn’t figure out what was going on.  The he checked the rabbit cage and there were the babies.  At that point, the dogs came out of lala land and started freaking out. 

OMG…..baby bunnies are the cutest things EVER!  The fit in the palm of your hand, will try to hop out even though they can’t see, and they feed upside down!  I’m serious.  They get close to their mom’s tummy then they flip upside down onto their backs and start to feed.  Weird! 

We gave one away and sold the other three.  Ten bucks apiece!  w00t!  I was thinking about getting Izzy fixed but now I’m not so sure.  I wouldn’t mind feeling like a contributing member of this family again.  We’ll see how it goes.

Next……Intentions vs Results

I have a very good friend who had a brain tumor.  She was treated for it, did a bunch of rehab, got way better(even lost weight!!!), and it was all way awesome!  She was telling me the doctors told her she had a 50/50 chance of it coming back at some point in the future.  I told her that was great!!!  She said…Huh?  WTF is so great about that????

My intention was to say that a 50/50 chance is all we ever get.  Any of us.  We could wake up dead tomorrow, we could choke to death on a chicken sammich, we could be walking down our steps and get tripped by a tear in the space/time continuum(don’t laugh, shit like that happens to me all the time!),  a piece of space debris could fall out of the sky and embed itself into our brain.  ANYTHING could happen.  Every time you wake up in the morning you have a 50/50 chance of going to bed that night without a tag on your toe.  THAT was my intention.

Result?  I pissed her off and now she knows without a doubt that I’m an idiot.  *sigh*  I’m really getting tired of people finally figuring that out.  I had hoped to keep it a secret for a while longer. 

Intention: Wake up in the morning and decide what housework I need to do, then do it.

Result: I get so bogged down in all the things that need doing that I ‘m not able to do, that I can’t think straight.  I can’t sort things out in order of execution, I can’t bend over, I can’t put my arms over my head for any length of time, I can’t get too hot, I can’t be in an open area without something to hold onto in case I get vertigo, I can’t go down steps very good (hence the badly sprained right ankle and broken left leg that started on the first day of summer and ended on the last day, literally, which was caused by a step down off of a six-inch high porch), I can’t turn my head too fast or I will fall down, ……I could go on forever but I will stop here. 

Intention: Find out how the kids’ day went at school. 

Me: How was your day?

Result: *sigh*

Buddha: FiiiinnnneeeUH!  (whereupon he disappears into his room never to be seen again unless a) food is ready to eat, or b) I wake him up the next day to go to school.

Princess Bella:  Why, what did you hear?

Me: Uh….nuttin.  I was just asking.

PB: Well it was fine! (face getting red, eyes slightly bulging)

Me: Good!

PB: I don’t know why you always have to ask me that!  Nothing happened!  Everything was fine! Not one bad thing happenedalllday! (face very red, eyes bugged out like something off of Outer Limits)  Whereupon she disappears into her room, which lasts all of five seconds because Bella runs at warp speed.  She can only bounce off the walls of her room for a few seconds, then she has to have a larger area to bounce off of. 

Me: (alone in the room, slightly disoriented) Well, that went well.

Next…….

I’ve been browsing around the blogosphere and I ran up on something truly amazing!  simplynutmeg.com is the coolest. blog . ever.  Nutmeg has the voice I heard in my head when I first imagined this blog.  THAT was what this was supposed to sound like.  Unfortunately, my blog comes out sounding just like me.  I wanted to sound all witty and funny and cool.  I guess this could be considered a P.S. to the Intention vs Result section of our day. 

Go check her out.  She rules.  http://simplynutmeg.com/  And while you’re there, you HAVE to check out the “how I survive barney” section.  The woman has taste!  You will find yourself, ninety minutes later, holding your sides laughing and wondering where the time went!

Ok, seriously, I have to get something done.  I have been sitting here for hours and it’s time I earned my keep.  I could go make that bread in those new pans that I bought myself for Christmas.  They have cute little shapes.  But I’m not sure if the bread in a tube will work for that.  Maybe I should try to come up with something more productive to do with the bread?  Or I could do laundry. But I can’t bend over to take it out of the dryer, so I can only do one load until someone comes over and I have to beg them to get them out for me.  I could clean out the closet, but that requires arms over head, bending over….no, I guess not that one.  I could vacuum the floor!  Yeah!  Yay I found something I can do!! 

Crimanently, it’s sad when sucking dirt off your floor is the most productive thing you can think of to do in a day. 

Welcome to Life in the slow lane.

 

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Random Thoughts – January 2, 2012

January 2, 2012

Happy New Year!  Hope your holidays have been happy.

We had a great December. It was busy as all get out but fun just the same.  We went to a family dinner at a local steakhouse.  It was fantastic!  The kids had a blast, the adults got to catch up, and our cousin came home from far away and it was wonderful to have her home.  She is basically the driving force behind all significant family gatherings.  If not for her we would spend half our time together saying how we really need to spend more time together.  We also went to our youngest daughter’s house for a Christmas celebration.  She, her husband, and our youngest grandchild hosted our little celebration. It was the first time she had Christmas in her own home and it was really great.  The baby had a ball and entertained us all with his cute antics and his darling little sweet face. 

The only problem with the trip to our daughter’s house was the fact that it’s about two hours away.  That means that I was in a vehicle riding for about four hours that day.  For those of you who don’t know what that means…it means that for four hours that day my cerebellum was being jiggled farther and farther down into my spinal column.  It bites.  I am just now starting to feel better after massive quantities of ibuprofen and many days on my back.  But it was worth it.

We have had Christmas programs to go to for both The Buddha and Princess Bella.  They were both awesome!  Bella’s was first and it was a band concert.  Isn’t it funny how you can pick out your own child out of all the rest?  I love that.  And Bella did an excellent job!  I always feel like crying when I go to these things.  I’m just so proud. 

Buddha’s was a dance recital.  He rules.  The dancers were all wonderful.  Even more amazing was that they choreographed the dances themselves.  As I sat and watched them I was struck by how much creativity was there on that stage.  Buddha was in two dances: one in a large group and one with just three of them.  He is also the only male in the dance classes.  When he started doing his own dance in the one with three people, everyone in the audience started calling out his name.  He got a standing ovation at the end and everyone had a natural fit over him.  It made me so proud! 

We had a great Christmas Day.  It was just the six of us and it was nice and quiet.  The kids both got what they asked for (which was very little).  They both asked for just one main thing and said that if they got that they would be happy if they got anything else at all.  They were true to their word and were both happy and satisfied.  The really nice thing is that we won’t be trying to pay for it all well into this year. 

We go pick up Buddha’s car this week from his other grandparents’ house.  Bless their very souls, they are paying his insurance!!!  Which, if you have young drivers around the house, you know is incredibly expensive!  If it had been up to us he would have been 21 years old and just getting his licence because there is NO WAY we could have afforded it!  They passed a new law last night (thaaaat’s right, last night) that requires him to have a driving log that has at least 60 hours of driving time on it, done over a 6 week period, before he can get the first level of his driver’s licence.  He is totally cheesed off.  I am very happy about it.  I think  know it will be a wonderful thing for him and everyone else on the road! 

So….there’s the update.  Now for the second half of our program…..

To the Republican Party – You would not be having  near as much trouble finding a standout candidate if you would stop trying to put a candidate in the white house who would keep the status quo.  The country hasn’t forgotten that a Republican administration, defined by greed at any cost, is largely responsible for getting our country and our economy in the sad and sorry state it’s in today.  You should instead be telling us how you are going to do things differently.  Not differently from the current administration(whose hands you have tied at every turn in one of the most appalling attempts at mis-direction I have personally ever seen), but differently from what you yourselves have done in the past.  You would stand a much better chance of achieving your goals if you would do that. 

To Michelle Bachman – Chilling.  I saw you on the CBS news show this morning and you strike me as one of the most incredibly dangerous people in the world today.  You made the hair on the back of my neck twitch when you so blithely decided that traipsing out some massive weaponry and putting embargos in place strategically around Israel is a good response to Iran having nuclear capabilities!  WTF????  What, exactly, gives the U.S., in your mind, the right to “punish” another nation for having exactly the same weaponry capabilities as we do?  Did it ever cross your mind that pissing in the Wheaties of another country is not necessarily the best option for foreign relations? 

And while I’m on the subject let me just say that our country has a serious, and I mean SERIOUS, problem understanding that WE are not the only people in the world with a viewpoint, or rights, or the right to weaponry.  We believe that our country and our ways are the only ones that are right, but we do NOT extend the same right to opinion and therefore action, to anyone else.  Only we and our friends are allowed to be free to make up our own minds about what we want to do and believe.  The unmitigated gall of that crap is the very reason why a large majority of the countries of the world smile at our face, then  flip us off the minute our back is turned!!  This ridiculous policy, that it’s no fair hitting back , is bullshit.  Get the hell over it before we end up with bombing in OUR streets!!

P.S. Michelle….stop beating a dead horse and transfer your support to someone who might have an ice cube’s chance in hell of winning.  Just sayin.

I absolutely love the commercial where the kid is telling how his mom is addicted to denial.  I just can’t say how much I think the commercial is spot on.  As a parent, I have often dabbled in denial.  You can’t ….deny….(lololol) that it’s way easier than confronting a problem you don’t feel equipped to deal with effectively.  Unfortunately, the fallout from denial is way worse than the confrontation could have ever been. 

Okay, I’m tapped out now and my brain is completely empty.  Ahhhh that feels better! 

 

 


Random Thoughts – April 22, 2008

April 23, 2008

The heathens have been out of school for the past two days.  They have technically been out for three days if you count Friday.  *sigh*  This leads me to thoughts of the summer coming up.  They have exactly thirty-one days of school left.  *sob*  That is not nearly enough.  I can tell by the past three days that summer will NOT be my favorite time of year.

One good thing that has come about recently is that The Buddha has decided to become a social butterfly.  What this means is that he is actually leaving the house of his own volition to go hang out with his friends.  He goes to the roller skating rink, the arcade, soccer games, etc.  (I’m not counting detention at school, that is a completely different animal)  I keep checking the top of his head for the little antenna that have to be there.  This is obviously a replacement Buddha. 

In the past, from the day he came to live with me, he has refused to leave home for any reason without a fight.  Now I can’t keep him home!  Who IS this kid and what did he do with the REAL Buddha??????  On the other hand, it gives Princess Bella some one-on-one time with me that she wouldn’t get otherwise.  Now, if he just manages to get through all of this without stomping the living crap out of my last nerve, we’ll all be happy.

 

I have seven puppies to give away.  PLEASE COME TAKE THEM!!!!!!!  Take two, they’re small!

Cute as a speckled pup!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wonder if Wally World would let me give them away in the parking lot?  They are darlins, but they are eating me out of house and home!  MDH said that every time he walks out of the house he looks like he’s wearing speckled puppy boots!  They gather around you every time you are within catching distance. 

 

My heart is broken in a bazillion pieces.  I gave away one of Dee Dee’s babies.  *sob*  Dot is now in a great home with three teenage girls who love her to pieces.  She must have been the Alpha puppy because ever since she left, the other babies are rambunctious hooligans!  They have chewed up three of the guitars for the Guitar Hero games.  MDH had to replace one cord and still has two more to go.  Sheesh.

They are cute as a button though.  Every once in a while you will see a tiny blur and when you look to see what it was, there they are, running like tiny bats out of hell around and around the coffee table just for the sheer joy of running.  They beat up the teeny tiny stuffed animal toys they have.  The funny part of that is that the toys are still way bigger than they are so when they shake them, they always fall over.  LOL  I love puppies, babies, and small kids.  They crack me up every time!

Dash is the little boy.  He’s my babykins.  He’s my replacement for Theo, who burned to death in the fire.  He will let me hold him like a baby and rub his tiny tummy.  He looks at me while I talk to him and he seems to understand.  He’s going to be my bud.  I’m going to teach him to ride in my truck with me.  And I’ll teach him to ride on the golf cart with me too.  He’ll like that.  He will find me where ever I’m at.  I have to be careful not to step on him while I’m cooking or doing other stuff in the kitchen.  He follows me everywhere. 

They like to go outside and play with the big puppies, but the big puppies scare them.  And MDH’s dog, Jeremiah, will herd them.  He puts his nose under them and rolls them to where he thinks they are safe.  He’s a mother hen with all the babies.  I think they make him feel like a big guy. 

They all try to chase the birds that feed at the feeders in the yard.  They are hilarious!  Luckily, I have a very low entertainment threshold.  Give me a few kids, some puppies and other small animals and I’ll be set!  I’m such a goon sometimes.  I tell myself it’s because I have the uncluttered mind of a child.  We won’t talk about the implications of that.  :p

The weather is getting warmer.  Time to put away all those pesky winter clothes.  Of course, as soon as I do that the weather will dip below freezing for a month!  But, I push the warm weather whenever I can.  The porch swing calls to me every day.  I love it out there.  The hummingbirds come visit me when I’m out there.  I love those little guys!

Okay, I’m sick of all this sweetness and light.  I’m going to bed.  Maybe I’ll have something worth saying later.

 

Butterflies on Azaleas

 


Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch

January 25, 2008

So, thanks to you all for my 15 minutes of fame.  It’s been heady stuff.  Now I’ll be all into the news looking for some more famous mysteries to solve.  I’ll have to get a Sherlock Holmes hat (I look really good in a hat), one of those ever so cool curvy pipes, and start talking all intelligent and stuff.  It’ll be great.

Then we’ll all sit around here talking about what’s not right with the latest case in the news.  We’ll sip brandy or sherry or port or whatever it is that mystery solvers sip while mystery solving.  We’ll smoke our pipes……….or we’ll light them and then let them go out and light them again which is what it seems to me that pipe smokers do.  Do we need smoking jackets?  Do they even make those anymore?  Yall rich folks can let me know this one.  What are smoking jackets for, anyway?  I never really understood the purpose of that particular garment.

I don’t have any wing-back chairs anymore.  I used to have one but it got burned up in the fire.  It would have been uncomfortable for more that a few of us to try to use it at one time anyway.  It was a fairly small wing back chair and a second hand one at that.  But it wasa wing-back so that counts. 

Maybe someone can invent a blowup wing-back for us.  Then it will be BYOWbC.  I think the blowup part would be implied.  We’ll solve the Black Dahlia case.  That should get us started out good.  Then we’ll be able to pick and choose our cases from there. 

I was listening to Starr Jones on truTV today, formerly known as Court TV, talking about a case in which two attorneys had a client whom they knew to be guilty of a murder.  Another man had been tried and convicted of that crime and was in prison for years on that conviction.  Due to the laws governing attorney/client confidentiality, they were not at liberty to say that this man was in fact NOT guilty of the crime he was in prison for.  The best they were allowed to do was secure from their guilty client a waiver saying that, in the event of his death, they had his permission to divulge his guilt of the murder and secure the release of the innocent man!  Their client eventually did die and they were allowed to release the information.  The innocent man is in the process of getting out of prison now. 

If the two attorneys had said anything at all about the innocent man being innocent before their client had died, they would have been disbarred and probably faced charges for it.  Isn’t that sad?  That doing the right thing to keep an innocent man out of jail would cost people their jobs and possibly send them to jail in the process?   Seems to me like they could have at least been released to say to the investigators or a judge or someone that the man being tried was not the man who committed the crime and that they needed to investigate further. 

However, I can see how that would be like telling on him.  It’s a catch 22 isn’t it?  I wouldn’t have wanted to be in the position of the two attorneys. 

Intyways, as The Buddha says, I just wanted to say thanks for the participation! 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch………

Rocky and I picked the heathens up from the bus stop the other day and took them with us to go shopping.  As we were riding back home we passed the house of one of Bella’s friends.  She calls out, “Hiiiiii Madison!!!!”   Rocky asks, “Does she live in the place with the lighthouse out front?”  Bella has her MP3 player in her ears and probably jacked up to the max, so she only hears part of what Rocky said.  Bella asks, “The lighthouse?” To which I answer, “Yes, the lighthouse out in the yard.”  Bella replies, “Um, NO, Gramma Toe, she doesn’t live in that little lighthouse, she lives in the great big house behind it!”  Then she proceeds to roll her eyes like Rocky has lost her ever lovin mind. 

Now, Rocky and I have possibly the lowest humor threshold on record.  We can be found laughing at almost anything.  The idea that Bella thought that WE thought that her friend was small enough to live in a decorative, four foot high light house that sits on the lawn just had us tickled to no end.  We giggled and snickered and laughed.  We couldn’t even look at each other for hours because every time we did we would collapse in giggles and we couldn’t function. 

And it didn’t help that earlier, after Bella had gotten off her bus but while we were waiting for The Buddha’s bus to get home, she had caught us with another unexpected visual. 

We have a little saying around here when someone passes gas:  Oops!  I stepped on a frog!  Over time we have expanded on this theme with: Oops!  I swallowed a frog!  for when someone burps. 

Well, the kids love this!  And of course being MY grand-kids, they just ain’t right to begin with, so they’ve thought about this a lot.  And Bella is a very visual child.  She comes by this honestly. 

So, we’re waiting for The Buddha’s bus to come rolling down the road and someone who shall remain nameless, but who isn’t me and isn’t Bella, burped.  Bella pipes up with, “Dang Gramma Toe!  That frog crawled right up your butt and out your mouth!”

Rocky couldn’t even catch her breath enough to laugh.  She just kept squeaking.  The impact kept hitting her in waves.  I was half falling out of the truck laughing my ever loving ass right the hell off.  Because all I could see was these two little frog legs just a wiggling, trying to get up in there so they could make that long journey in order to get out Rocky’s mouth.  I haven’t been brave enough to ask Rocky yet just what visual it brought to mind for her, but judging from those squeaks she was making, I can only guess.  I’m going to rest up real good before I ask her.  Maybe take some vitamins.  Because I’m going to get one hell of a workout laughing when she finally tells me.


On Why I Couldn’t Be Emo

January 15, 2008

My kids tell me all kinds of stuff that’s new to me.  Take for instance “Emo” kids.  Emo?  WTF is that?  Someone who is always sad is the short explanation.  Hmmm.  I’d probably suck at that.

It would be just my luck that I would decide that it was my desire to make my mark in life by being an Emo girl.  Then the very next day I would wake up all happy and shit!  DAMMIT!  Then I would have to shoot my dog just to get into the right mood for the day!  Crap!  How much work would that be?  The PETA people would be all over me in no time!

Ok, how about going Goth?  I could do that, right?  I’ll go buy all black clothes, and white and black make up.  I’ll never have any more wrinkles because I never have to have any more facial expressions.  Of course, I’d screw up on laundry day trying to get a stain out and bleach my black goth clothes into some kind of wicked tie dyed horror, which would make me laugh so hard I cried and mess up my white caked on make up and run my black eyeliner.  So, no goth for me either.  *sigh*

Well, there’s always the Plastics.  They’re the Uber Preps.  They rule the school.  They’re better than everyone.  Everything they have, say, wear, eat, and do is better just because they have, say, wear, eat and do it.  But dear GOD that is SO much work and I am ever so lazy at heart.  Besides, my “Some call it stalking……I call it Love” Tee and blue jeans are my uniform.  I will jump over 20 stylish outfits for 1 comfortable one every time.  So, no Plastics for me either.

I just thank all the powers that be that I don’t have to make all those decisions anymore!  I did my time baby! I paid my dues to that heartless crowd!  I grew UP!   I graduated high school!  I’m outtie! 

And I’m damn glad of it too, cuz to be completely honest, those guys scare me!


Thoughts – November 19, 2007

November 19, 2007

Kids are so much more fun if the television is off.

Dogs are hilarious.  Probably because they don’t care if you see them licking their booty.  Dee Dee’s new trick is to chase Jackal and try to bite his “boys” while he’s running away.  I try to imagine Princess Bella doing this to His Highness The Buddha.  It cracks me up every time! 

It’s never good when I have too much time on my hands.

Every once in a while, it’s good to have ice cream for breakfast.

The kids and I go out to eat every so often.  It’s not a regular thing because I like to cook at home.  Fast food isn’t usually my thing, and besides, it’s special when we dogo out.  We always make a big deal about who’s turn it is to pick the place where we eat.  They keep track of who gets to pick the joint we’re eating at.  They like Mac’s and that insane Burger king dude.  I like places where they have real food and no slides.  So we usually compromise and go where they have overly colorful cartoon characters and playground equipment.  *sigh*  Well, you guessed it, tonight was my turn to choose.  🙂  And I wanted real food.  So of course we have our usual “Whine and Please” session. 

THEM:Pleeeeeease let’s go to McDonaldddddddds

ME:Nope!  My turn to pick and I pick NOT MacFood.

THEM:Pleeeeeease let’s go to McDonaldddddddds

ME:I Mac Don’t want to Mac go to Macs!  Besides, we can’t go there anyway. 

THEM:(huge surprised faces) why not?

ME:Because, Ronnie Mac got arrested.

THEM: But………Why?

ME: The fashion po po got him for wearing that awful crap he always has on.

THEM: YOU LIE!  You just don’t wanna go to McDonald’s!

ME: I can prove it!

THEM:Can not!

ME: Can too!

THEM: Prove it then!

And so I did.

macbusted.jpg
And so I happily took myself and two very subdued children to a sit down restaurant to have a very nice and civilized dinner tonight.  It didn’t hurt that when we passed McDonald’s they had it shut down for remodeling.  Had the yellow tape around the dining area.  Only the drive-thru was open.  (insert huge smart ass grin here)  Sometimes………it’s MY turn to pick the place!


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