Random Thoughts – January 2, 2012

January 2, 2012

Happy New Year!  Hope your holidays have been happy.

We had a great December. It was busy as all get out but fun just the same.  We went to a family dinner at a local steakhouse.  It was fantastic!  The kids had a blast, the adults got to catch up, and our cousin came home from far away and it was wonderful to have her home.  She is basically the driving force behind all significant family gatherings.  If not for her we would spend half our time together saying how we really need to spend more time together.  We also went to our youngest daughter’s house for a Christmas celebration.  She, her husband, and our youngest grandchild hosted our little celebration. It was the first time she had Christmas in her own home and it was really great.  The baby had a ball and entertained us all with his cute antics and his darling little sweet face. 

The only problem with the trip to our daughter’s house was the fact that it’s about two hours away.  That means that I was in a vehicle riding for about four hours that day.  For those of you who don’t know what that means…it means that for four hours that day my cerebellum was being jiggled farther and farther down into my spinal column.  It bites.  I am just now starting to feel better after massive quantities of ibuprofen and many days on my back.  But it was worth it.

We have had Christmas programs to go to for both The Buddha and Princess Bella.  They were both awesome!  Bella’s was first and it was a band concert.  Isn’t it funny how you can pick out your own child out of all the rest?  I love that.  And Bella did an excellent job!  I always feel like crying when I go to these things.  I’m just so proud. 

Buddha’s was a dance recital.  He rules.  The dancers were all wonderful.  Even more amazing was that they choreographed the dances themselves.  As I sat and watched them I was struck by how much creativity was there on that stage.  Buddha was in two dances: one in a large group and one with just three of them.  He is also the only male in the dance classes.  When he started doing his own dance in the one with three people, everyone in the audience started calling out his name.  He got a standing ovation at the end and everyone had a natural fit over him.  It made me so proud! 

We had a great Christmas Day.  It was just the six of us and it was nice and quiet.  The kids both got what they asked for (which was very little).  They both asked for just one main thing and said that if they got that they would be happy if they got anything else at all.  They were true to their word and were both happy and satisfied.  The really nice thing is that we won’t be trying to pay for it all well into this year. 

We go pick up Buddha’s car this week from his other grandparents’ house.  Bless their very souls, they are paying his insurance!!!  Which, if you have young drivers around the house, you know is incredibly expensive!  If it had been up to us he would have been 21 years old and just getting his licence because there is NO WAY we could have afforded it!  They passed a new law last night (thaaaat’s right, last night) that requires him to have a driving log that has at least 60 hours of driving time on it, done over a 6 week period, before he can get the first level of his driver’s licence.  He is totally cheesed off.  I am very happy about it.  I think  know it will be a wonderful thing for him and everyone else on the road! 

So….there’s the update.  Now for the second half of our program…..

To the Republican Party – You would not be having  near as much trouble finding a standout candidate if you would stop trying to put a candidate in the white house who would keep the status quo.  The country hasn’t forgotten that a Republican administration, defined by greed at any cost, is largely responsible for getting our country and our economy in the sad and sorry state it’s in today.  You should instead be telling us how you are going to do things differently.  Not differently from the current administration(whose hands you have tied at every turn in one of the most appalling attempts at mis-direction I have personally ever seen), but differently from what you yourselves have done in the past.  You would stand a much better chance of achieving your goals if you would do that. 

To Michelle Bachman – Chilling.  I saw you on the CBS news show this morning and you strike me as one of the most incredibly dangerous people in the world today.  You made the hair on the back of my neck twitch when you so blithely decided that traipsing out some massive weaponry and putting embargos in place strategically around Israel is a good response to Iran having nuclear capabilities!  WTF????  What, exactly, gives the U.S., in your mind, the right to “punish” another nation for having exactly the same weaponry capabilities as we do?  Did it ever cross your mind that pissing in the Wheaties of another country is not necessarily the best option for foreign relations? 

And while I’m on the subject let me just say that our country has a serious, and I mean SERIOUS, problem understanding that WE are not the only people in the world with a viewpoint, or rights, or the right to weaponry.  We believe that our country and our ways are the only ones that are right, but we do NOT extend the same right to opinion and therefore action, to anyone else.  Only we and our friends are allowed to be free to make up our own minds about what we want to do and believe.  The unmitigated gall of that crap is the very reason why a large majority of the countries of the world smile at our face, then  flip us off the minute our back is turned!!  This ridiculous policy, that it’s no fair hitting back , is bullshit.  Get the hell over it before we end up with bombing in OUR streets!!

P.S. Michelle….stop beating a dead horse and transfer your support to someone who might have an ice cube’s chance in hell of winning.  Just sayin.

I absolutely love the commercial where the kid is telling how his mom is addicted to denial.  I just can’t say how much I think the commercial is spot on.  As a parent, I have often dabbled in denial.  You can’t ….deny….(lololol) that it’s way easier than confronting a problem you don’t feel equipped to deal with effectively.  Unfortunately, the fallout from denial is way worse than the confrontation could have ever been. 

Okay, I’m tapped out now and my brain is completely empty.  Ahhhh that feels better! 




Random Thoughts 1-5-2011

January 5, 2011

Ohhh this is the first time I’ve written the new year down.  Felt kinda good. 

So…..how come there is no patterned toilet paper?  The cheaper stuff could be patterned after wood chips to disguise the actual wood slivers that are embedded in it.  You could have camo style….to hide stuff.  Duct tape pattern…to fix up any pesky problems you might have in that area.  Flowers….for that springtime fresh feeling.  You get the idea.

Not to give anyone any stooopid ideas or anything,  but a certain city in North Carolina wants to ban smoking in public parks.  *sigh*  Sure, why not?  You already can’t smoke IN A BAR!!!!!!  Why should you be able to smoke out in the open air?  Did you notice that bold type “in a bar” up there?  That’s because not being able to smoke while you are consuming mass quantities of alcohol makes perfect sense.  God forbid you should be suffering from the effects of second hand smoke just before you jump into an automobile and wipe out a family of five.  I’m just saying.

I recently came to the conclusion that I grow several things really well.  Hair…wow can I ever grow hair!  Fingernails….these babies grow like there is no tomorrow.  And ass….it’s like it’s being fertilized!  (please refrain from making that way too easy connection) I”m going to start The Ass Club.  It’s sorta like the hair club only different.  People with no ass could come in and get an ass transplant from someone who is lucky enough to grow all the extra ass in the world..i.e. ME!  I would sell my fingernails too but that’s just nasty.

I’m starting a revolutionary new diet!!!!!!   It’s called don’t eat too much and get exercise.  Okay, I kid.  But did you ever notice that EVERY diet plan that promises to deliver incredible weight loss also has, in tiny print, along with diet and exercise.  The ONE common denominator, diet and exercise.  Let’s just skip all the crap designed to suck us into paying exorbitant amounts of money on some weird contraption and go straight to the diet and exercise portion of our program. 

Christmas was awesome!  Possum, her MDH, and our newest grandson, Lil Man spent the holidays with us.  I love babies.  All babies.  Big uns, small uns, medium uns.  I love em!  That’s because we are on the same intellectual plane.  There is nothing more fun than making faces and strange sounds with a tiny person.  They get such joy out of it.  Needless to say, me and Lil Man had a great time playing with his new toys.  These consisted mainly of the boxes his toys came in.  He loved putting his hand in the box and looking at it through the transparent window in the side.  He is just learning to talk.  DAAAAAA  is his favorite word right now, followed by Naaaaa Naaaaaaaaa.  That means night-night, Nana, and NO.  And he waves backwards, which is possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.  Buddha and Princess Bella both got just what they wanted and were happy and satisfied. 

It hit me just this second….I have FOUR grandchildren!!!!!!  Holy cripes I’m gettin on in years!  You don’t hear about my third grand baby because he passed away from complications that he had from birth.  He had just turned two years old.  One of the two saddest times of my life.  But he was the most smiley faced baby I’ve ever seen.  Like he knew he only had a limited time available to him and he intended to enjoy every minute of it.  R.I.P Baby Jimmy!  We love you.

So, did you make New Year’s Resolutions?  Not me!  I learned a long time ago that I’m only setting myself up for failure if I do that.  Just because I don’t like being made to feel forced into anything.  Not even by myself!  I have an attitude problem in those situations.  I have to sneak up behind myself and fool myself into doing the things I need to do.  Where most people need a support group to do things like quit smoking….I would only say screw you to them and do it anyway just to prove to myself that they don’t control my actions.  I know, it’s a self defeating attitude.  But at least I know I have it.  Dr Phil says that you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.  But just who does he think he is, anyway?  HE can’t tell me what to do!  Grrrr….oh.  Sorry.  But you see what I mean?  You just can’t deal with me sometimes! 

Ok, so get this!  Princess Bella’s teacher gives her this enormous project in mid-december……build a castle.  One foot tall at minimum.  WTF?  Noooooooo this isn’t the busiest month of the year!  We have NOTHING to do but build a damn castle during the month of de freakin cember!  Keeping in mind that we have company that includes a kid just big enough to remove every object off of every flat surface in the house!  Criminy!  I’m telling you, I have very little love left for that teacher.  Note to teachers:  For the love of GOD!…..THINK about the timing of this stuff!   I love watching them do projects.  They are full of imagination.  Just not at Christmas time.

So…How Did Your Christmas Go?

December 31, 2007

Well, it went according to plan!  Hell must have frozen over solid.  Which means now I have to do all those dumb ass things I said I’d do when hell froze over!  (insert OH SHIT face here)

We woke up when it was quarter to light, made a pot of coffee, positioned the sleeping children in photogenic areas of the living room, poured the coffee, put on our happy faces and woke them up.  At this point they turned into the Tasmanian Devil in stereo.  The entire living room was aswirl in wrapping paper, squeals of delight, boxes, OH MY GODs, ignored socks and underwear, tiny pieces of now unplayable games, the sounds of every kind of noise making device known to man, and the grown ups laughing our asses off. 

It’s really a good thing that The Buddha keeps these memories like photographs because the camera apparently decided to take Christmas off and went to Bocca for the Holidays.  I couldn’t find it anywhere.  So memories and eighteen bags of trash are all we have to remember it by. 

The Buddha promptly re-wrapped every single one of his gifts just so that he could re-open them.  Seems that he really likes Christmas a lot.  Princess Bella copies every move he makes so she did the same thing, not as neatly or as consistently but she tried. 

I got a painting the I’ve been jonesing for, for about 3 or 4 months now.  After it was wrapped and put under the tree The Buddha kept trying to get me to guess what it was.  I kept guessing it was an Ipod.  It’s about 15 x 20 inches.  I tried to wear it on my arm, I tried to plug ear buds into it, I looked for music on I tunes for it.  It cracked him and Bella up over and over.  Lucky for me their entertainment threshold is as low as mine.

So now my painting is forever named Ipod.  Do you ever name your inanimate objects?  Like, my vacuum is named Eric because it sucks so well and I knew a guy named Eric who sucked just as bad  good.  It’s good for a vacuum but bad for a person to suck like that.  “Of all my relations I like sex the best and Eric the least.”  I love that quote.  It’s not mine, it’s from a book, but every time I think of Eric (the person not the vacuum) I think of that quote. 

Intyways, as Princess Bella and The Buddha say, I hope your holidays have been wonderful so far. 

We’re cooking for New Years.  It will be an all day affair starting tomorrow and ending on the first.  Down here in the Carolinas you have to have black eyed peas and collard greens for New Year’s Day.  The collard greens are for dollars and the peas are for cents.  It’s good luck.  We’re having some country ham, squash, potato salad and cornbread too.  Yall Come With Us Now. 

That’s a North Carolina saying.  You say that when you’re leaving someones house.  Now, if you were going to be here with us on New Year’s Day, we would be trying to send you home some of the left over food.  Cuz you do that in the South too.  It’s just good manners to send some home.  My freezer is full of that stuff.  Hey!  Lightbulb moment!  We’ll have some of that good stuff for New Year’s Day too!  Yall best come on over here and help us eat it, now!

Merry Christmas Dammit

December 21, 2007

I am of two minds when it comes to Christmas.  Not because I’m all religious and think that you should remember the reason for the season and all that.  I really don’t care about that because, having read way too much on the subject and still having a few functioning brain cells left with which to reason, I have my own peculiar beliefs on that subject which I will not bore you with right now.  No, I am of two minds because I want to get gifts for everyone I know or am even just a tiny bit acquainted with but I am fundamentally challenged and so I can’t.  Get it?  Fundamentally?  LOL  Sometimes I crack myself up!

I want to see happy faces because someone got exactly what they wanted.  I want to see that bright happy look of possibility in the faces of the people I love/like/look at when they get something they want.  I love to see the kid come out in adults when they get a really good gift.  Not necessarily an expensive gift, or a showy gift, but a thoughtful gift.  Something that is just for them.  Something that tells them that you thought of them.  Something that says that for that one moment in time they were honestly and surely on your mind in a kind and thoughtful fashion.

I like to give people gifts that are unexpected.  If I won the lottery I would spend the bulk of it on way cool presents for all the people that I have always wanted to get things for but couldn’t because I am terminally broke.  I would start with my family and work my way out.  Some things I would have to invent. 

I would invent the Wandering Vet an awesome lightweight fold-up self heating/cooling padded tent with solar power that would fold up into a backpack and contain a computer hookup.  How cool would that be?  I would make an awesome Santa!  I would give everyone I know the best and happiest dreams on Christmas Eve of the best and longest day ever with all of their favorite loved ones who aren’t here for the holidays. 

However, I am mostly happy this Christmas because I have my mommy, Rocky, with me this Christmas.  I’m stoked!  I’m revved!  And His Highness The Buddha has planned Christmas morning out to a T.  We have our places marked out by him as well as what we must be doing. (drinking coffee)  He and Princess Bella will be opening gifts on the floor (in photogenic positions) as we drink it.  It must be dark outside for some reason, therefore we will have to be up early.  I only hope it all lives up to his expectations because Buddha collects these memories like photographs. 

Back in my previous life with old Pencil Dick, I hated Christmas with a passion.  But life with My Dearest Husband has changed all that.  I love Christmas now.  I love when it snows now, too.  Because I know he will come get me if I get stuck or scared.  I even love the fact that I can get scared.  I blame him for that.  It’s really all his fault.  He’s turned me into a big old sissy.  Before I met MDH I had never cried over a movie in my life.  I mean that literally.  Now I’m just a big ball of crybaby.  I tell him he’s ruined my rep as a hard ass bitch.  He takes full blame.  But I digress.

Because of MDH I now love Christmas.  Alas, I’m still broke, I haven’t won the lottery, and I’m not magic.  I guess I’ll just have to wish that I could give you all everything you wish for in your secret heart of hearts. 

So, in the most comforting inner voice you can find, try to hear me saying this:  “Merry Christmas!  I wish you joy, I wish you comfort, I wish you peace, and I wish you thoughts of those you love and those who love you.”  You are in my thoughts not just this time of year but always.

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