All Of My Animal Friends Have Voices

December 30, 2011

My inside dogs, my outside dogs have voices of their own.  They talk to me and I talk to them.  I can’t imagine how lonely I would be during the day if my friends didn’t talk to me.

Shall I tell you about them?  Okay, I will.  In order of appearance:

Sugar Plum: She was dropped off here with her brother when they were puppies.  I wasn’t here yet.  She was probably between 9 months and one year old when I moved here.  Her brother had been shot by a neighbor for trying to eat their dog’s food.  Sugar got away.  But she was starving and no one wanted her…..until we came.  We consider her our good luck charm.  When we decided to buy the house, we came one day to just hang out and get used to the place.  Sugar Plum was very friendly and playful.  She was also very hungry, skinny,  and scrawny. ( She was sooo hungry in fact, that she ate my cell phone!  Ever after she would occasionally roll around on the ground and make really strange noises.  We decided that she was answering the phone when she did that. )  But I digress.  When we came to hang out that day, she was under the plum tree eating plums.  Hence the name Sugar Plum.  She speaks in a gentle, witty, sweet, wise, strong, fun loving voice.  Underneath it all is a will of iron.  She can climb a chain link fence.  She teaches all the babies how to survive.  She will defend herself and her friends against anyone and anything. She plays with the babies when they are little.  Her favorite treat is bird seed.  I love her with all my heart.

Jeremiah: Jeremiah (Jerry) came to us because The Buddha made a lil slip up.  The neighbors were going on vacation and he was given the job of feeding their dogs for them.  He was supposed to keep Fat Girl locked on the porch and keep Boy fed and watered too.  What wasn’t explained to him in detail was that Fat Girl was in heat.  And Boy, being a boy, was desperate to get to her on that porch.  Well, the vacation was over and all was well until we were informed that Fat Girl was pregnant!  Questions were asked, answers given and the mystery solved.  Seems that The Buddha felt sorry for Fatty and Boy because they were really lonesome for each other so he let Boy onto the porch to give Fat Girl some company one day!  We felt duty bound to take one of the babies.  As we walked into the yard to pick one out, this tiny fat lil rolly polly fella came running right out to us and checked us out.  On the spot My Dearest Husband chose him.  And that is how we got Jeremiah.  He was tough, sweet, very protective, and he snored.  He also taught my baby Dash how to act like a big dog.  He would find a bone, give it to Dash(who was all of six weeks old), and then come take it from him.  Dash would just sit there.  He would bring it back and give it to him again.  Then take it very slowly, gently growling while he did.  Dash would then growl his tiny baby growl.  Jerry would lick him and give him back the bone, then start all over again until he taught Dash how to defend his food or rag or stick or pebble or whatever Dashie had picked up to play with.  Jerry spoke in a strong, loud, protective, country voice.  He went missing and I miss him still.

TT: TT stands for Tiny Tot, which she most definitely isn’t!  She is Sugar Plum and Jeremiah’s baby girl.  We didn’t intend to keep her.  We went to Wal Mart parking lot to give the babies away and a girl said, “PLEASE PLEASE hold her for me while I go inside and do my shopping. I will pick her up when I come out!”  So we held onto her through three or four people who wanted her.  The girl never came back.  But when we got home, Sugar Plum was beside herself with joy that one of her babies had come home to her so we kept her.  She spent her first year being very quiet, unassuming, and watchful.  Since then she has become friendly, funny, outgoing, and smart.  She plays like she’s making up for lost time. She speaks in an exuberant voice that is strong, quiet, and vigilant. 

DeeDee: DeeDee was the only dog we ever bought.  Right after The Buddha and Princess Bella came to join our family, MDH decided that the kids needed a dog.  We decided on Rat Terriers because they are very tiny and also incredibly smart.  A lady who was selling babies was located and we went to pick one out.  We fell in love with her immediately.  Rat Terriers come in two shapes, with tall legs and with short legs.  DeeDee has tall legs.  We also fell in love with her brother, who had short legs and looked like a miniature tough guy.  He was going to someone else though, so we made our deposit on Dee and left to wait til she was old enough to leave her momma.  When we got there, the lil boy dog was still there too.  The breeder said that his girl never came and we could get him too if we wanted to.  WE DID!  So we bought both dogs and took them home to the kids as a surprise.  They were so tiny that we had both of them in a cat carrier and the kids had to peer all the way to the back to find them.  Theo died in the house fire, but DeeDee survived.  She speaks in a quiet, dominant voice that is occasionally girlish and silly.

Mini: AKA Minimum, Miniature, Mini Mouse.  She is Dee’s baby and she was incredibly tiny right from the start.  She was half the size of her siblings at two weeks.  She stayed the same size for months.  One or more of her siblings bit her head when she was little, and bit her tail and broke it twice.  I had to take her out of the pen and keep her away from the other pups.  I was going to give her away too but I could never get in touch with the guy I was going to give her to.  I would call his shop (at 2:00 AM) and he never answered.  I would drive by there with her in a carrier (at 6:00 pm on Sunday) and he wasn’t there.  Eventually I just had to keep her!  🙂  She is built like her mother, with long legs and slender body.  She is all speed.  She can lap every dog here running around in the field.  She can jump higher, run faster and go longer than every dog we have.  She is also mildly retarded, from the bites to her head when she was little I guess.  She speaks in a squeaky voice at hyper speed, often and long.  However, she speaks a foreign language and most of the time we can’t understand her at all.  But she’s funny and fun and amazing to watch.

They all talk to me all the time.  I wouldn’t change that for the world.

 

 


Thoughts on Anti and Pro 11/1/2011

November 1, 2011

Anti vs Pro

Antibiotics – Probiotics

antihistamine – Prohistamine

antidepressant – prodepressant

Antidote – prodote

Antibacterial – probacterial

Anticipate – procipate

Antiseptic – proseptic

Antimacassar – promacassar

Antipasto – propasto

Antipathy – propathy

Antigen – progen

Antidisestablishmentarianism – prodisestablishmentarianism 

Antique – proque

Antitheses – protheses

 

Pro vs Anti

Probably – antibably

Probation – antibation

Probe – antibe

Problem – antiblem

Procedure – anticedure

Proceed – anticeed

Profession – antifession

Profane – antifane

Profile – antifile

Profit – antifit

Prohibit – anithibit

Protect – antitect

Profound – anitfound

Project – antiject

 

This is what happens when you have too much time on your hands. 

 

 

 


My Big Day

October 27, 2011

A couple of days ago I had the best day I have had in so long I can’t really remember. It was awesome!

No, I didn’t win the lottery or Publisher’s Clearing House.  I didn’t get a free trip to the Bahamas.  I didn’t get anything….except to feel fantastic, incredible, happy, healthy,   normal.  For me normal is the highest height I can aspire to.  It’s the highest feeling I’ve had since I got FUBAR’d.   (Thank you Arnold Chiari Malformation and MS….you suck a big green weenie)

It started when I woke up at 4:30 am.  Very unusual for me lately.  Normally I would hit the snooze about seven times and sleep until almost 5:30 am.  But I felt really awake and so I rolled with it.  I got up and fixed homemade biscuits and sausage for everyone for breakfast.  After I got everyone off to school and work, I sat down to read for a few minutes.  When I looked up again I decided that feeling normal ROCKS and so I would use that time to do something constructive.  I proceeded to clean up my paper avalanche around the computer.

When I die it is going to be from being suffocated by a large pile of paper that I couldn’t think well enough to decide what to do with. 

So I put the FAT principle into motion and divided everything into three piles: File, Act, Toss.  That eliminated about 90% of the paper.  Then I filed the F pile and that left me with the Act pile.  So far so good.  Then I tossed 3 years worth of old files and dug down to the current page of my desk calendar.  That right there is more than I’ve done in months and months. 

After I was done, I could actually get to my computer without climbing any paper mountains and without a native guide.  I was happy.  I then went grocery shopping with Rocky and Pony.  When we got back I put away groceries, loaded the dishwasher, did some laundry, and fixed dinner. 

Sounds like a small fraction of anyone’s normal day, doesn’t it?  Yeah, I know.  But for me it was like a life orgasm.  I got to spend a day being sorta like I used to be.  You know, like a real person.  Like a human being that can get up in the morning and look around and say…..I need to do this and this and this…..and not mean ONLY this and this and this but mean in addition to my normal stuff. 

What I can usually do is get up in the morning and look around and say to myself….how in the name of God will I ever be able to catch up with all this stuff?  Then I get really optimistic and say to myself….just pick a couple of things to do and don’t worry about the rest.  Then I look around and there is just SO MUCH that I haven’t done that I can’t decide what needs doing most.  Which makes me feel like a total slug and worthless in the extreme.  Then I get to feeling bad about myself and it ends up where I spend most of every day trying to keep from cutting my own throat for being such a worthless excuse for a human being. 

Because I can’t lift my hands over my head because it messes up my neck and I get headaches and vertigo, and I can’t bend down because it makes me dizzy, and I can’t stand up straight for long because it makes my knees go numb, and I can’t and I can’t and I can’t and I can’t……..!  My entire life is the things I can’t. Sometimes I just go ahead and do it anyway.  Then I spend days where I can’t think good, I can’t walk good, I can’t talk good, my head hurts, my neck hurts and that damn screaming tinnitus will not leave me alone.  I don’t understand what people are saying to me, and I don’t get what they want and I don’t know how to say that I don’t get it.  I am terrified of becoming stuck in that state one day.

But the other day……I had a GOOD day!  I live off of those like they are food.


Random Thoughts of a WTF Nature 10/18/2011

October 18, 2011

WTF is the deal with re-making films and television shows?   Has imagination gone the way of personal freedom in this country?  Can no one come up with an original idea for a movie anymore?  Put forth some effort people!  How many horrible movies do we need to re-make?  And yet ANOTHER Charlie’s Angels?  Did we not get at least three different versions of that show the first time it was on? I mean, they changed the entire freakin cast several times, didn’t they?  It sure seemed like  it to me!  Then we got the movie version….OK, I liked that one.  Mainly because I really like the actresses in it. (WTF is Lucy Liu doing these days, anyway?)  NOW we get another television version of Charlie’s Angels.  Puhleaassee!!  Get up off your asses pencils and come up with something new!  Sheesh! (Footloose sucked the first time! Nuff said.)

WTF is the idea that commercials have to discuss, along with cute little graphics no less, bowels?  Seriously?  If you have questions about that, I suggest you go to your family doctor and talk about it with him/her.  Or you could take a little trip on the world wide web and get informed by a bunch of people who wrote all about their own bowels on Wiki.  If there isn’t one, after you talk to your doctor and get all the latest info on pooping, you could invent Wiki Pee dia. LOLOL  Damn sometimes I crack myself up!!

WTF is going on with young, gorgeous teachers suddenly deciding that the only place that they can knock out a piece is with a way underaged student?  Are there no grown ups out there that you can hook up with?  It boggles my mind.  Not to mention that these folks, who are teaching our children, still haven’t figured out that if you text (or sext) a kid, that kid will….I REPEAT WILL forward that text to every single person on their contacts list the instant you don’t give them the grade they want!  It’s really not rocket science. Figure it out!

WTF is up with the political situation in this country?  I have been shaking my head for so long that I think I have permanent vertigo!  Just so you folks who are professional politicians know….most of us hate you and everything you don’t stand for.  And in case any of you think you have fooled anyone, all of you Republicans and Democrats alike can stand around until Hell freezes over with your arms crossed in front of you and pointing in both directions at who is to blame, but every one of you greedy, power-hungry bastards and bitches are to blame for the situation our country is in at the moment.  I still believe that every single person who wants to be a politician for a living should be summarily shot and that every single citizen of this country should be required to serve a term as part of their duty to this country.  It couldn’t  come out any worse than it has so far!

WTF…..teenagers.  *sigh*  Need I say more?

WTF…..all the people protesting on Wall Street, and now everywhere else?   I’ve never been able to get a firm grasp on exactly what they are there for.  The pseudo-hippy dude that always seems to be the spokesman for the groups just fascinates me so much while he’s talking that I just fugue out and start reminiscing about “back in the day” when we were all involved in “the revolution” and stuff.  We were all so self  important and sure we were doing something.  Turns out what we were doing was hanging around somewhere getting all involved in one huge mutual admiration society.  We were all so busy standing around in a circle patting each other on the back that we completely missed what the powers that be were doing behind our backs.  I’m just sayin.

 

 

 

 


Pat Robertson Has Alzheimer’s?

September 15, 2011

Apparently Pat Robertson has developed Alzheimer’s.  That’s the only reason I can think of for him going directly against every wedding vow ever written.

Luckily for his wife….she is now free to leave his sorry ass in the dust.  Run far, run fast, and don’t look back Mrs. Robertson!

 


Charlie Sheen

March 8, 2011

Once again we get to watch a star go through a public meltdown.  So sad.  Charlie Sheen is obviously having mental, emotional, and judging by the way he looks these days, physical issues.  And of course, this being NEWS,  we will get to watch it happen on every local, state, and national newscast every day. 

I have a hard time trying to figure out why they will show this type of disaster but don’t show the bodies flying through the air when they film a traffic accident.  If it’s acceptable to show someone drowning in mental illness, why isn’t it ok to show someone jumping from a burning building? 

Both are personal disasters and they shouldn’t be made as public as humanly possible.  That’s just common and tacky behavior and news organizations should be ashamed of themselves for cashing in on it. 

I’m just sayin.

P.S.  Does it strike anyone else as odd that one of the top rated television shows in this nation is about a booze addled sexual reprobate who has no interpersonal skills except with hookers?


Suing McDonald’s?

March 8, 2011

Where do I start? 

The Center for Science in the Public Interest is threatening to sue McDonald’s restaurant if they don’t stop putting toys into their Happy Meal.  WTF?  These people, whoever they are, are equating the happy meal toys with candy from child predators!  What???? 

Number One: This still being America, it is MY decision and MY decision alone what my children eat.  If I don’t want them to eat a Happy Meal I will tell them NO myself.  I don’t want or need your help to do it.  Rest assured, The Center for Science in the Public Interest…….I got this.

Number Two: Who the hell are you anyway?  I never asked some random anonymous group  you to represent my public interest.  I can handle that quite well all on my own, thank you very much.  I’ll be doing that right along with deciding whether or not my kids can have a Happy Meal! 

Number Three:  Butt the hell out!  Here’s an idea…..how about you concern yourself with kids who have no one to make that decision for them?  How about you take your “science in the public interest” and use it for some real public interest?  You can use all of your influence and backing (from God only knows where) and fix the foster care system in this country. Or you can use it to try to infuse some common sense into politics, like maybe instead of forcing people to purchase medical insurance, you can set it up so that those of us who are free Americans can decide for ourselves if we WANT to buy insurance.  Oh wait…..That’s the opposite of what you do, right? 

Number Four:  Who told you what the public interest is?  I don’t recall having a vote as to what my public interests are.  And I can promise you this: it will be twenty years after the end of the world before I let some random group whose aims and goals I know nothing about, decide anything for me. 

Number Five:  What science?  Who are the “scientists” who are providing you with your information?  Is this real science or junk science?  Or is it maybe science of the “let’s see how many dumb asses we can get to back this lame idea without thinking about it” variety? 

Number Six:  What ever happened to parents making the decisions for their children?  That is our JOB!  We decide what we are going to allow.  You can’t legislate stupid out of the world.  If we could, YOU would be the first to go!

*sigh*


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