Happy Birthday To Me

Happy Birthday to me…..

Happy Birthday to me…

I feel like I’m twenty…..

But I’m really fif   tyyyyyyyy……

One….

 

I’d like to thank Rocky, for having me, MDH for standing by me even though I’m certifiably insane, The Buddha and Princess Bella for not hacking me up with an axe while I sleep, and Possum for not reversing the adoption.  I’d also like to thank the Academy, only because whenever you hear someone giving a speech and they are thanking people, they always thank the “Academy” whoever that is.  Also I would like to thank “God, Jesus, The Lord” or whatever name is the current favorite for the year, just because that one always gets tossed in too, either right before “The Academy” or after.  Like Jesus is an acting coach or sumpin.  Sheesh!

I can see him now, in his long flowing robes, beautiful hair flowing in a breeze that only blows for him, light emitting from his very being, love and compassion dripping from his every pour, sitting in his director’s chair screaming “CUT CUT CUT Dammit!  That is NOT how I WANT it!  Let’s take 5 and see if MISS THANG can pull her head out of her ass and get it together here!  Water!  I need water!  Thanks….  Moses, you bastard!  How am I supposed to drink a bottle of parted water!  Smart ass.  Everybody’s a comedian” 

Yeah, getting a mention must just make His day!

Intyways……I’m fifty-one!  Yip-fuckin-ee.  My face is melting like the witch in The Wizard of Oz, just without the bucket of water and the flying monkeys.  I have jumping dogs….does that count?  I am starting to look a little bit green, though.  It’s beginning to concern me a little bit.  Not enough to actually DO anything about it but I notice it, you know what I mean?  Hmmm….is that green right there?  It is, isn’t it?  Yep, it’s green alright.  Oh well, at least it’s in a wrinkle.  Until it creeps outside of that, no one will see it but me.  I’m good!

I have this neck brace that I use when I have to ride in the car for a long time.  (another story for another time)  I was trying it on the day I got it and when Buddha saw me he asked “What is THAT for?  Did you hurt yourself?” I told him, “No, I just got tired of holding my head up.”  It took him a few seconds, but he got his patented disgusted look on his face and stomped off telling me, “Stop doing that!  I believe you when you say that stuff!” 

*sigh*  All in all it’s been a fun fifty-one years!  I hope the next fifty-one are half as good!

 

P.S.  Please feel free to send money, cards, gifts and ponies!  I ain’t shy and I ain’t got no shame!  Gimme!

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5 Responses to Happy Birthday To Me

  1. MDH says:

    I stole you……..

  2. MDH says:

    It’s You and YES you are!

  3. thought4food says:

    ROFLMAO @ antique wife. I got yer antique wife riiiiight here, baby! I’ll ride that bad boy but I’m gonna ride it like I stole it so I’m not sure how safe that’s gonna be. Luckily you are a First Responder and you can fix me up if/when I get all broke up from that hot monkey sex. Hmmm…. is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

  4. MDH says:

    SHE AINT SHY, but ponies are bad for her. I have something safer for her to ride 🙂
    I love you, Callie! HAPPY 51!!!! Did you know that there is an antique wife website? I didn’t go there because I already have one and I an’t sharing!

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