Updates From The Edge Of Nowhere October 2, 2008

I have been being chastised by several of my dearest friends, and probably the only people who actually check this thing on a regular basis, for not writing something.  Therefore, I shall update.

First off let me congratulate My Dearest Husband on being The Most Kick-Ass Driver EVER!!!!  He took a driving test last night using a fire truck.  Not a little fire truck either.  A big old HONKIN fire truck!  And he passed with flying colors.  I am suitably impressed.  Not even remotely surprised, but very impressed.  The man can drive like nobody’s business.  He backs up better than most people can drive forward.  However, since he hadn’t been able to practice driving the fire truck, it was truely awesome that he was able to do so incredibly well on the test.  Congratulations, MDH!!!  Yer still my hero!

The reason MDH wasn’t able to practice driving the firetruck was this:  On the day he was supposed to practice driving, our eighteen year old daughter came into town.  He chose to see her instead of going to firetruck driver training.  We haven’t seen her since she turned eighteen.  *sigh*  She looks great and she seems to be very happy and healthy.  It was a settling visit.  We agreed that we had forgotten how tiny she is.  She looms so large in our thoughts that she seems much bigger.  When you are in her presence, she is in actuality much smaller. 

I recently went to The Buddha’s school for “Are You Smarter Than Your Middle Schooler” night.  Last year I did really well.  This year, not so much.  I did well in geography.  I got demerits for not dressing out and participating in PE.  I did well in science and I want to go back every day and audit that class.  It’s very interesting and I learned a lot.  In math and math academy, I found myself sorely lacking.  The Buddha laughed at me.  😦  Had I not been so humiliated I would have laughed at myself.  Math?…..FAIL!!!!!!  Language Arts ruled.  I want to audit that class also.  Mainly because I would only have to read the stories and not have to do all the other work involved.  I’m sure I would fail the spelling tests.  My GOD the spelling word list for ONE week!  I used to be a spelling whiz and that dang list just about put me off my feed.  All in all I think I got about a C.  Being on the A-B honor roll, it left The Buddha feeling suitably superior and happy when we returned.  It was a good time.

Princess Bella……I’m tempted to refer you to my previous post.  ADHD, genius, entitled, way the hell too much like me, hard headed, curious, smart mouthed, ill tempered, short tempered, ill mannered, and fun, funny, sweet, smart, curious, intelligent, artistic, hard working, and a willing accomplice in anything you want to do.  She exhausts me within the first five minutes of every day.  If you can get her into bed at night without a screaming match, you can pat yourself on back and call it a success.  I have yet to see anything at all she cannot do, yet she will balk at doing everything, even if it’s her idea.  Example:  “Gammie, will you help me with my homework?”  “Sure, Bella, what do you need help with?”  “This right here.  I don’t get it.”  “Okay, let’s look at it.”  “AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.  GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHDDDDDDDDKAHLGFDLFJDSLKAGKFDJGALKSD.”   “Would you like some time in a quiet room to reflect on whether or not you actually need help?”  “NO I NEED HELP I DON’T GET IT!!!!!!”  “Then you might want to stop screaming long enough to look at the problem and see if we can figure it out.”  “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TELL ME THE ANSWER?” “I won’t do that Bella.  You can’t learn how to do it if I answer it for you.  I will be happy to help you learn how to do it.  It’s not MY homework.”
“I HATE YOU.IHATEYOUIHATEYOUWHYCAN’TYOUJUSTDOWHATIWANTYOUTODO???????”  “Tell ya what, Belle.  You go in your room for a while and when you’re ready to do homework, you can come back out and we’ll look at that part that you don’t get, okay?”  STOMP, STOMP, STOMP.  When she’s calmed down, she will come back and we’ll get done.  But the initial argument MUST come first.  Why that must be is beyond me.  Maybe my answers will come after I have that imminent heart attack. 

Rocky has learned her way around a little better.  She can come and go as she pleases.  If I had the money I would buy her a GPS for Christmas.  Then she could go wherever she wanted to.  Podunk here is a FAR cry from Orlando, Florida.  It frets her to no end when she looks out the window and sees no living thing but animals.  She’s used to bright lights and non-stop action.  She loves that.  Those are the very things we moved out here to get away from.  It’s just not her kind of place.  I feel guilty that she’s here because of me and that she dislikes the place so much.  She left her home, her job, her friends, her life and her lifestyle to be here with me and to be completely honest, I am NOT good company.  She got screwed. 

The dogs are the dogs.  They are funny as hell and irritating beyond belief.  Dash, DeeDee’s son, has found his “special purpose in life” and is relenlessly humping his mother and sister.  *sigh*  I liked him better before that.  Which bothers me because he’s supposed to be that way.  I discussed snipping his nads last night with MDH.  MDH informed me that I could stop talking about that IMMEDIATELY.  *giggle*  That discussion has the same effect on all my male friends.  I used to do that when I worked at the vet.  It was stunningly easy to do.  This is not comforting information to guys. 

I am.  That’s about all there is to say about me.  My job is as a facilitator.  I fix it so that everyone else can have a life.  That’s MY life.  I swear one of these days I’m gonna take up drinking.  At least that way I’ll have something to do!

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