Bella, Lassie, and the Chicken Biscuit

My Dearest Husband occasionally brings home biscuits for breakfast.  Since he works 3rd shift and he passes every food place in town on the way home he can do this without too much trouble.  He does it just often enough to make it special.  We all love it.

Today he brought us home biscuits for breakfast.  Bella got her usual chicken biscuit.  She, according to her, will only eat fried chicken.  Having said this, I can cut up anything at all and tell her it’s fried chicken and she will then eat it.  Anyway, she loves chicken biscuits, so MDH got her one.

When she woke up to her’s she was ecstatic!  She asked where it came from.  MDH, never one to tell a simple story, told her that Lassie woke up this morning.  Sensing that Bella would be jonesing for a chicken biscuit for breakfast, Lassie ran down the road to the store and whined.  The store keeper listened to Lassie and said, “What, Lassie?  Bella is hungry?  And she needs a biscuit?”  To which Lassie whined some more.  The shopkeeper listened again then said, “What, Lassie?  Not just any old biscuit will do?  Bella has to have a fried chicken biscuit?  Okay then, I’ll make her one right away!” 

Lassie whined to the shopkeeper some more.  To which the shopkeeper replied, “What did you say Lassie?  Toss in four more biscuits?”  Lassie whined a bit more.  The shopkeeper said, “Any old biscuits will do for the rest of the family, eh?  Okay Lassie.  Should I just put this on your bill?” 

Lassie whined one last time and the shopkeeper said, “You’re welcome, Lassie.  You have a great day too!”  Then he handed Lassie the bag of biscuits and Lassie ran out the door just as MDH pulled up.  Lassie jumped in the truck and they pulled out and drove home together.  They got there just in time to surprise Bella with a piping hot fried chicken biscuit just as she woke up for breakfast!

After listening to this whole long story in wide eyed wonder, Bella’s only reply was, “Who is Lassie?”




For those of you too young to remember, Lassie was the single most intelligent being on a farm in TV land back in the LONG AGO.  The family he lived with THOUGHT  they were smart but Lassie had them all beat in the smarts department by a country mile.  And every human for miles around understood that when Lassie came whining it meant that some dumb ass had gotten themselves into trouble.  The dumb ass was usually Timmy, Lassie’s “owner”.  There is some controversy as to who actually owned whom.  Considering the fact that Lassie took way better care of Timmy than Timmy took of Lassie, I feel that Lassie was the dominant character here.  That’s just my opinion.

Also, Lassie could convey vast amounts of information in that whine.  It was amazing!  All my dogs can do is look at me stupidly then five seconds later pee on my floor.  There is none of that “Lassie” type of information-passing going on here.  I mean, if Bella or The Buddha were to fall into a well, I would find out about it because all of the dogs would be milling about aimlessly near the well.  No one would come to me whining in a meaningful way.  No one would come to me and bark out that I needed to get a rope to pull them out, no not a hemp rope, a nylon rope.  They might come and lift their leg on my foot just for kicks and giggles but that’s about the extent of it.

DeeDee can do some tricks.  If I say we’re going to be rich, she will stick her nose up in the air.  If I tell her that daddy farted, she will cover her face with her paws.  She can sit, stand, lay down, dance and box.  That’s it.  No saving lives, no communicating complex information, no giving directions to out of the way places.  Just your average everyday dogs. 

Lassie was one of a kind.  Google her.  Maybe we can get a Lassie revival going.  Because to be honest, it made me feel old as hell when Bella asked that question.  And I didn’t like it.  Not one little bit!


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