Rachael Ray might look all sweet and innocent, but she has the heart of a natural born killer!
She has wiped out most of my favorite fried foods single handed and never batted one of her cute little eyelashes! All of my fatty foods? Gone like they never existed. *sniff* All because of her! Rachael Ray. That black hearted she-devil. Greasy cheese burgers, deep fried potatoes, fritters dripping in Crisco. Is that Taps I hear?
I bet she trained as a double agent at the CIA. Have you ever seen a Culinary Institute graduate wielding a filleting knife? It will make you shudder.
Just because her little scarf is paisley doesn’t mean she isn’t calling down jihad. I bet she’s got a spray bottle of EVO on her belt, concealed by that scarf. She probably skulks around roadside diners in the dead of night setting up grease traps. Oh GOD! The inhumanity!
That spicy little strumpet IS a terrorist…….a FOOD terrorist. And don’t you forget it!
P.S. Dunkin Donuts…..grow at least one functioning brain cell and give it to someone in your public relations department please. They seem to have misplaced the one they had.