Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch

So, thanks to you all for my 15 minutes of fame.  It’s been heady stuff.  Now I’ll be all into the news looking for some more famous mysteries to solve.  I’ll have to get a Sherlock Holmes hat (I look really good in a hat), one of those ever so cool curvy pipes, and start talking all intelligent and stuff.  It’ll be great.

Then we’ll all sit around here talking about what’s not right with the latest case in the news.  We’ll sip brandy or sherry or port or whatever it is that mystery solvers sip while mystery solving.  We’ll smoke our pipes……….or we’ll light them and then let them go out and light them again which is what it seems to me that pipe smokers do.  Do we need smoking jackets?  Do they even make those anymore?  Yall rich folks can let me know this one.  What are smoking jackets for, anyway?  I never really understood the purpose of that particular garment.

I don’t have any wing-back chairs anymore.  I used to have one but it got burned up in the fire.  It would have been uncomfortable for more that a few of us to try to use it at one time anyway.  It was a fairly small wing back chair and a second hand one at that.  But it wasa wing-back so that counts. 

Maybe someone can invent a blowup wing-back for us.  Then it will be BYOWbC.  I think the blowup part would be implied.  We’ll solve the Black Dahlia case.  That should get us started out good.  Then we’ll be able to pick and choose our cases from there. 

I was listening to Starr Jones on truTV today, formerly known as Court TV, talking about a case in which two attorneys had a client whom they knew to be guilty of a murder.  Another man had been tried and convicted of that crime and was in prison for years on that conviction.  Due to the laws governing attorney/client confidentiality, they were not at liberty to say that this man was in fact NOT guilty of the crime he was in prison for.  The best they were allowed to do was secure from their guilty client a waiver saying that, in the event of his death, they had his permission to divulge his guilt of the murder and secure the release of the innocent man!  Their client eventually did die and they were allowed to release the information.  The innocent man is in the process of getting out of prison now. 

If the two attorneys had said anything at all about the innocent man being innocent before their client had died, they would have been disbarred and probably faced charges for it.  Isn’t that sad?  That doing the right thing to keep an innocent man out of jail would cost people their jobs and possibly send them to jail in the process?   Seems to me like they could have at least been released to say to the investigators or a judge or someone that the man being tried was not the man who committed the crime and that they needed to investigate further. 

However, I can see how that would be like telling on him.  It’s a catch 22 isn’t it?  I wouldn’t have wanted to be in the position of the two attorneys. 

Intyways, as The Buddha says, I just wanted to say thanks for the participation! 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch………

Rocky and I picked the heathens up from the bus stop the other day and took them with us to go shopping.  As we were riding back home we passed the house of one of Bella’s friends.  She calls out, “Hiiiiii Madison!!!!”   Rocky asks, “Does she live in the place with the lighthouse out front?”  Bella has her MP3 player in her ears and probably jacked up to the max, so she only hears part of what Rocky said.  Bella asks, “The lighthouse?” To which I answer, “Yes, the lighthouse out in the yard.”  Bella replies, “Um, NO, Gramma Toe, she doesn’t live in that little lighthouse, she lives in the great big house behind it!”  Then she proceeds to roll her eyes like Rocky has lost her ever lovin mind. 

Now, Rocky and I have possibly the lowest humor threshold on record.  We can be found laughing at almost anything.  The idea that Bella thought that WE thought that her friend was small enough to live in a decorative, four foot high light house that sits on the lawn just had us tickled to no end.  We giggled and snickered and laughed.  We couldn’t even look at each other for hours because every time we did we would collapse in giggles and we couldn’t function. 

And it didn’t help that earlier, after Bella had gotten off her bus but while we were waiting for The Buddha’s bus to get home, she had caught us with another unexpected visual. 

We have a little saying around here when someone passes gas:  Oops!  I stepped on a frog!  Over time we have expanded on this theme with: Oops!  I swallowed a frog!  for when someone burps. 

Well, the kids love this!  And of course being MY grand-kids, they just ain’t right to begin with, so they’ve thought about this a lot.  And Bella is a very visual child.  She comes by this honestly. 

So, we’re waiting for The Buddha’s bus to come rolling down the road and someone who shall remain nameless, but who isn’t me and isn’t Bella, burped.  Bella pipes up with, “Dang Gramma Toe!  That frog crawled right up your butt and out your mouth!”

Rocky couldn’t even catch her breath enough to laugh.  She just kept squeaking.  The impact kept hitting her in waves.  I was half falling out of the truck laughing my ever loving ass right the hell off.  Because all I could see was these two little frog legs just a wiggling, trying to get up in there so they could make that long journey in order to get out Rocky’s mouth.  I haven’t been brave enough to ask Rocky yet just what visual it brought to mind for her, but judging from those squeaks she was making, I can only guess.  I’m going to rest up real good before I ask her.  Maybe take some vitamins.  Because I’m going to get one hell of a workout laughing when she finally tells me.

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2 Responses to Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch

  1. Danny Vice says:

    You really are too much…lol…boy do I have something to add…but I’m going to hush… =)

  2. […] post Contact the author and continue reading […]

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