Yesterday was one of those days that reach out of the nether regions of the cosmos and pinch you right on the butt when you’re raising kids. The only thing I had to do was take His Highness The Buddha to his counseling session, pick up a few things from the grocery, then pop back home for the rest of the day. Simple, right? HA! Not even a little bit.
It started out normally enough, but I had one extra thing to do……call and make an appointment for Princess Bella at the Doctor. She got into an altercation during “Fun Friday” at school and had a sore wrist. Now Bella is the ultimate drama queen. You have to borrow a super mega mondo microscope from NASA to see most of the “savage” injuries that she gets. When she comes into the house screaming about how she is bleeding to death I usually have to pull a tiny corner off of a paper towel to pretend to blot up the microscopic drop of blood off of the alleged cut.
However, since she has Medicaid and we answer to that higher power at all times, I decided to cover my proverbial and prodigious ass and take her to be examined. To my surprise we were sent to have X-rays and she ended up with a broken wrist! Exactly what she said she had! Which she has reminded me of every half hour since, by the way. Now she is sporting a jaunty little Carolina blue cast on her arm and garnering untold amounts of sympathy. She’s in heaven! I’m up shit creek for not believing her. *sigh*
The original counseling appointment was scheduled for 10:00 AM. Bella’s first appointment was scheduled for noon. And it proceeded from there. By the time her little cast was put on and we had our instructions, it was after 5:00 PM. I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel when The Buddha pipes up with………”Oh! I forgot! I have a band concert tonight at 6:30. I need new dress pants because we aren’t allowed to wear jeans.”
When the cartoons show stars spinning in a circle around the cats head? That comes from real life! I saw stars. I knew it was going to be a long, long time before I saw home. We need sustenance, we need dress pants, we need children’s Motrin, we need to go to a band concert at school. Also, I need a quiet place to have a small, quick little nervous breakdown. We proceed to the nearest Chinese food buffet, speed eat, go speed shopping for dress pants, drive like we’re running through hell in gasoline britches to the school in order to get there on time, sit through a heavenly performance that was truly worth all of the hurry, then return home almost exactly twelve……thaaat’s right, twelve hours after we left.
I’m exhausted again just telling you about it. In the process of all that, I wore a bra for twelve solid hours! Do you have any idea how horrifying that is for a true child of the sixties and seventies???? The only reason I even OWN one now is that people gave them to me after the fire. I was never so glad to get loose in my life!
So, next time I leave the house for just a few minutes, I’m packing a survival kit. It will include a good book, some of my favorite snacks, bottled water, help signs, a portable bed, some nice comfy jammies, my house, a coffee pot, my TV, a pillow, a blanket, my cell phone all charged up, my puppies, my fridge, the laundry, the washer and dryer, my computer, my favorite chair, My Dearest Husband, my mommie Rocky, Buddha, Bella, and some big fat fluffy socks. I’m sure I forgot something that I’ll really need but that will do for a start.