It’s Been A While…..I’ve Missed You…..Sniff Sniff

Okay, that’s it for the sappy emotion. 

 I’ve moved.  I’m now living in a house on top of a hill.  It’s harder than I thought it would be, this not being a slob and all.  When you have a nice house you sorta feel like you should keep it nice.  My own expectations are exhausting me. 

But it’s all bright and white and neat and shit.  And it’s out in the open and the sun shines on me all the time.  Except when the sun doesn’t shine on me.  Then it’s only partly light.  Or else it’s dark.  That happens at some point every day.  Go figger.  Still, it’s very……(I’m searching for an appropriate word here)…..happifying!  That’s a word, right?

I’ve started walking in the mornings after I put Miss Bella and His Highness the Buddha on the bus for school.  *giggle*  School.  I love school.  Anyway, I’ve been trying to get some exercise.  It seems to be working pretty well.  If you don’t count the fact that for the past 3 or 4 days I haven’t really been able to walk.  My hip ballooned up and my jaw on the same side did the same thing.  I had a tooth cut out there recently.  Seriously, you’ve missed a lot.  But I seem to be um, infected.  EW!  I KNOW!  It’s all gross sounding to me too. 

I’m thinking that I might just be allergic to all that healthy crap.  Honest.  See, I wasn’t brought up that way.  We were brought up to be filthy dirty little heathens!  That’s right, Mom!  I’m tellin all the family secrets right here!  We didn’t use hand sanitizer!  We drank sodas ALL THE TIME!  We ate the fat on our meat!  OH YES WE DID!  We ate bacon OFTEN!  I SMOKE!  We drank!  And… might want to sit down for this one….sometimes we still do!  We used copious amounts of salt on our food.  We played in dirt.  We played with our friends when they had colds.  We did not know our physicians and their office personnel on a first name basis because we went so often.  As a matter of fact, we went to the doctor’s office so seldom, that a visit there frightened us to bits!  Uh huh that’s right. 

I had my first X-ray when I was 14 years old!  And I was so terrified that I thought I would puke!  I have had many broken bones that were not set.  I have had broken bones that I never went to the doctor for at all.  We ate burgers from Louie’s!  We followed the 5 second rule.  We drank from water fountains, not water bottles.  Sometimes we drank from water hoses too.  If our ice cream fell out of the cone, we picked it up, scraped off whatever trash we could see, and plopped that bad boy back on the cone and ate away!  No sense wasting the perfectly good part of a cone over a little bit of trash!  Sheesh! 

We ate food handled by people who never wore gloves except in the winter when it was really really cold.  But never when they were touching our food.  We sometimes faked washing our hands before we ate.  We walked barefoot from the first snow until the first thaw.  And truth be told, if it wasn’t for caffeine and nicotine I would be in a coma. 

But until I started trying to be more “healthy” I was in fact healthy as the proverbial horse.  The healthier I tried to live, the unhealthier I became. 

I developed……….(insert doomsday music here) MS.  My theory is this.  As I started to live a more healthy lifestyle, my hyped up immune system had less and less legitimate work to do.  Being an honest hard working system, it couldn’t bring itself to just lay around and do nothing.  So it decided to attack something, anything.  Knowing me like it did, it had a meeting and came to the conclusion that it would attack the most useless part of me……my brain.  (wink)  So it rolled on up in there and went to work. 

But, being MY immune system, it couldn’t just attack like normal.  Oh no!  It had to do it in a bizarre fashion.  So it went for my cognitive centers.  My memory centers and pathways.  Smart-ass immune system.  On the other hand, it sometimes goes after me in the normal ways too. 

As a result of all this I have decided to go back to my unhealthy ways.  I’m back to eating the fat on my meat.  I’m gonna go barefoot in the summer until it’s just too darn cold to do it anymore.  I’m drinking water out of the faucet and if I’m in the yard I’m drinking it out of the hose.  Maybe I won’t eat the ice cream off the ground though.  I mean, I am almost 50, after all. 

Do you see what happens when I’m away too long?  I babble.  I start on one topic and end on something not even remotely related.  But I have this really cool built in excuse.  I have drain bamage.  Yeah baby!  That’s what I’m talkin bout!  *sigh*  Unfortunately, everyone I know, knows better.  *giggle*  Oh well, it was a nice try. 

But it’s good to be back.  I’ll fill you in on what you missed later.  Not allof it.  Don’t be so nosey!  Sheesh! 


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