I thought maybe it was time for me to introduce you to my family. We are the typical blended family. Well, we’re not so much blended as pureed. (that word looks so misspelled it’s pitiful, but the free on-line dictionary assures me that it is correct so think bad thoughts at them if it’s not)
First there is me, AKA Red. We won’t go into the other things I’m called. It would be way too easy and for the most part this is a semi family oriented site. I’m the one in the “About me” page. Click on it, I was being pretty honest that day.
Then there is My Dearest Husband. He is my first and only husband. The only man I ever wanted to marry. He Rocks. He’s DA MAN! He says he married me just to see what would happen next. He is one of the last truly good guys left. We are friends with the most of the rest of them. Anyway, he puts up with me. That would be past the limits of most men, but he seems to enjoy it most of the time. Which probably brings his sanity or at least his judgement into question. But that’s OK with me. Cuz, if he was sane, he probably wouldn’t be married to me and then I would be all sad and shit and not nearly as amusing and you wouldn’t be here reading this and (we could go on and on here but you get the idea). He is DROP dead gorgeous, incredibly intelligent, down to earth, fun, funny, and my very best friend in the whole wide world. He is every other beat of my heart.
Then there is Possum. She is my husband’s daughter with his first wife. I adopted her. She’s 16. She’s just coming out of that surly, angry, enraged, snotty teenaged angst. She is also drop dead gorgeous. She is growing more and more concerned about people and situations outside of herself. She is very good at giving advise, and the advise is usually very rational and down to earth. She is smart, funny, fun, down to earth, snotty,(OK she didn’t come out of everything) and every inch an almost 17 year old girl. I’m kinda proud of that. I’m happy to have been part of every minute I got to spend with her. And like every good mother, I’m already beginning to develop my selective memory regarding her teenage years. (bless my mom’s heart, she tells me all the time what a good kid I was!!!!! LOLOL even I know better than THAT!) She is rapidly turning into a beautiful, self confident, independent woman. It makes me very proud. It also makes me want to drop to the floor, grab her leg and beg her to stop growing up right this minute!
Next we have Buddha. He is my grandson. His mother is my daughter with the man I lived with before I married my husband. He’s 11. He grew three pants sizes in two weeks. You think I’m exaggerating. I’m not. One second he was a size 10 slim. Five thousand dollars worth of groceries(ok, now I’m exaggerating) and two weeks later we had to go out and buy him all new clothes. Size 16. REGULAR!!!! WTF???? I thought all that banging in his room was him pretending to be a rock star or something. Turns out it was him growing! He is very smart, with a sly, dry sense of humor. He’s thoughtful, but if you tell anyone, he will deny it. He is incredibly handsome, tall, built like brick shit-house but hides it under baggy clothes like all the other boys his age. We laugh at the stoopidest things. We make up stories like….Remember when we were kids and we lived in New York and our mom used to take us to Yankee games? It’s crazy but we like it and it makes everyone else look at us like we’re nuts. Makes it even funnier. He is turning into a thoughtful, sensitive, caring, sweet young man. I want to grab his leg and beg him to stop growing up too. I’m going to start sneaking into his room at night and rubbing Crisco on his head. Why, you ask? Because, it’s shortning!!!!! LOLOLOL I crack myself up sometimes!
Then there is Bella. She is my granddaughter. Also my daughter’s child. Different father from Buddha. She’s 8. She’s too smart for all our good. She’s 15 steps ahead of all of us. She is as beautiful as an angel, and mean as a snake. We like to remind people that the devil was the most beautiful angel in heaven. You have to keep your wits about you around Bella. She is the sweetest child on earth, until you make her angry. Then God help you. She has no natural stops. And no indicators of when she’s mad until you get to know her…..well. She is remarkably helpful. She helped me allllllllll day once. When I finally stopped shaking, dried my tears and crawled out of the corner, I called my mom and apologized for helping her when I was little. They call Bella Red Jr. I’m not sure why. >looks at ceiling all innocent like< She likes to hear stories about the old days and what it was like when I was young. She is interested in finding out about everything under the sun. She writes songs and sings like a pro. Bella is funny, and sweet, smart and tough, and her sense of humor mirrors mine. Nuff said.
And last but certainly not least we have DeeDee. Our puppy. She’s an insane clown puppy. She’s a nut. She’s adorable and smart. She covers her face with her paws if you say daddy farted. She puts her toys away better than the kids. Her toilet habits are far and away better than the kids’. Except for that butt licking thing. I’m trying to break the kids of that but……….lol just kidding. She sticks her nose in the air if you tell her she’s rich. She thinks she is a kid just like the rest of them and can’t understand why she can’t eat at the table. Kinda makes me feel like an abuser when I put her food in a bowl and make her eat on the floor. I fully expect to see her on the commode one day.
So that’s us. We’re usually pretty nice. Stretched so thin we’re transparent most of the time. Probably pretty much like you. Last night we set up all the empty plastic bottles we’ve been saving (fifty some at last count) and were bowling in the hall. You do that too, right? ……..Right????